Everything Goes - jooniepop - 방탄소년단

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Jimin sat on the couch in their living room staring at the clock, he watched as two am became three am, without moving a muscle. His eyes blurred and unfocused, but they still managed to make out the clock hands.

Rain was lashing against the windows and the wind howled around him. Almost mimicking the emotions he felt inside of him. His foot tapped against the ground as lightning illuminated the outside trees every now and then. Thunder roaring to life over head as if even the sky didn’t agree with what he was about to do.

Three thirty strolled around and he heard the door to their apartment slowly start to open and his head whipped around.

Namjoon looked up at all the lights switched on in the living room and blinked in confusion, dimming them instantly. He hadn’t noticed Jimin yet as he toed off his shoes and went about putting his keys and wallet in their normal place by the door. He was humming a tune as he turned. He was happy.

Jimin felt a stab of guilt at the fact he was about to ruin it.

He stood up and Namjoon jumped slightly, his hand reaching out to rest on his chest. “Jiminie, you scared me.”

“Namjoon.” Jimin said seriously, his hands came out to meet one another. His fingers twisting around each other as he bit into his bottom lip.

“Jimin…?” Namjoon looked around the room, a confused smile on his face. His eyes glanced at the suitcase to the side of Jimin and his smile instantly dropped.

Jimin sighed, closing his eyes as he looked towards the large window to the side of them.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“You can’t do what anymore?” Namjoon looked towards him, a slight panicked edge to his voice.

“This. Us .”

"Wait, what... what do you mean?" He eyed the bag to the side of him, his voice becoming slightly higher the more the panic and realisation set in.

"You and me." Jimin tried to keep the stealy resolved sound to his voice, but even he could hear the crack hidden with the last word. His throat becoming dry and sandy as he spoke.

“You’re breaking up with me?” His voice was thick, already laced with tears.

“Yes.” He said, before stopping and pulling himself back.

“No.” He shook his head and sighed.

“I don't... I don’t know.” Tears began to spill down his cheeks as heattempted in vain to keep his resolve.

“Your first answer was yes.” Namjoon mumbled, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Namjoon, we’ve talked about this, I’m tired. I’m so tired of going to bed by myself. I’m so tired of waking up at two in the morning and you’re still not home. I’m so tired of you being dead asleep by the time I get up to leave in the morning.” He wiped at his eyes with his sleeves. “I’m so tired.” He felt himself release a weary sigh, his hand wiping down his face before they returning to fiddling with his other fingers.

Namjoon looked at him quietly for a moment. “Every time Jimin.” He sighed and held his hand up to his forehead as if to show how exasperated he was, his eyes scrunching shut.

“Every time we have this damn argument, it’s the same damn routine. I’m fed up. Jimin I have told you, I’m doing this for us .” He sighs and throws his hands between them gesturing to them both in turn.

“So you keep saying.” Jimin tried, he really tried not to roll his eyes but he failed, the shot of pain that rippled across Namjoon's face hitting him like a stab in the gut. The way it quickly closed off in anger seconds later a stab in the heart.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Namjoon eyed him, the usual love Jimin would see in his eyes now faded, dim. It made Jimin sick to see it, but he knew it, he deserved more, he deserved to be treated as more than just an afterthought.

“Nothing.” He shook his head.

“Whose suitcase is that?” Namjoon eyes the bag to the side of him.

“Yours.”

Namjoon snorts. “So you’re breaking up with me and kicking me out of our apartment?”

“Well I figured you’d just go live at the studio. Won’t make much difference to how you currently spend your nights.” Jimin shook his head and willed himself not to cry, breathing hard and steady.

He refused to completely meet Namjoon’s eyes. Only skirting them around his features, they were crumpled.

He sighed loudly. “I'm not-," he was rambling even to his own ears. "We're not-," He cringed as he broke off once more.

"I just. I need a break.”

“So I’m meant to accept that and just walk out of here like we never happened?” Namjoon looked at him confused.

“No. I’m saying I need a break. If you want to start putting me ahead of your music, or your fans, for once, once in your damn life put me first, then come back.”

“Really? You’re going to say that to me when I put you first all the f*cking time Jimin?” He laughed as if everything Jimin was saying is ridiculous, Jimin's anger flared inside of him and he tried to keep it locked away.

“See you do that, all the f*cking time. You dismiss me, you do put music first. I’ve organised dates that you’ve bailed on, I’ve cancelled holidays because you’ve become inspired, I’ve had birthdays ignored because you had a show.” He sighed and shook his head. “I accepted it. I accepted it because I love you, and I still do, I always will.”

“But, I’m tired, I’m tired of being of being in a relationship where the other person isn’t as invested as I am. I feel like we’re oceans apart and I can’t even see you anymore Joon.”

“I’ve been busy!” He cried desperately. “I’ve been working on…” He put his hand up to his head.

“What, you’ve been working on what Joon? Or am I not important enough to know still?” He shook his head.

“Well what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you and Yoongi go off and work for hours and hours, and you come home and won’t even tell me what you’re doing. I’m tired. All I want is for someone to love me the way I love you.”

“You think I don’t love you?”

“No, I think you love me, but I’m not sure our ideas of love match up anymore.”

“I-” Namjoon shook his head. “If that’s how you feel I guess there’s not much point in me being here.”

Namjoon looked at him pleadingly for a second, almost as if he was willing Jimin to change his mind.

Instead Jimin wheeled the suitcase towards him, pushing it in his direction. He couldn’t look at Namjoon, if he looked at him he’d know he’d break.

“Just give me some time Joon. Come back when you’re willing to put me first.”

“I can’t believe this is happening.” Namjoon looked down, totally shocked.

“It’s not final Joon.”

He only shrugged. “Seem’s the way to me.” He pointed at the suitcase before taking it in his hands.

Jimin shook his head in advance. “It’s not a break up.”

“Whatever you need to say to yourself Jimin.” He heard a sniff, but he refused to look up as the door opened and closed.

When he eventually looked up what felt like hours later the apartment was empty and Namjoon was gone.

Jimin stared upwards at the ceiling with the sheets pooled around his waist. He’d long ago given up on sleep, his eyes won’t close and his brain isn’t able to stop the never ending loop of his argument with Namjoon,

He threw his hands up to his face and dug the heels of his palms into his eye sockets, trying to block out the way Namjoon’s face had looked when he’d seen his suitcase for the first time.

He shouldn’t have done it. He shouldn’t have. But then, what other choice had Namjoon left him with? He’d been by himself so many times, night after night alone, as Namjoon stumbled in at four in the morning, collapsing into sleep without so much of a welcome home hug.

Jimin had to scare him, right? That was the only way he’d get through to him, he’d go to Yoongi and Jin’s. They’d scold him for not trying harder to stay tonight, and he’d say he did all he could, and he’d come back tomorrow with flowers.

Jimin would forgive him, because of course he would, Namjoon was his life, his love, his soulmate, his home.

Thunder clapped outside and Jimin rolled over, trying not to look at the lightning and pouring rain. He shouldn’t have done it, he should have waited.

Why did he have to reach his breaking point on this horror story of a night? Lightning clapped again and Jimin slammed his eyes shut. He’d always hated storms. Namjoon would always have to hold him and distract him with stupid stories. Now the bed is only cold, big, and empty and he’s left with the stupid sound of silence.

He closed his eyes tight, and tried not to think about the fact that he’d potentially just broken up with the love of his life.

A ringing sound cut through the thunder and Jimin fumbled for his phone, already knowing that it was most likely Jin asking him what on earth was going on and if he’d lost his mind.

“Jin, before you say anything-“ Jimin started only to be cut off by a female voice.

“Park Jimin?”

Jimin sat up in his bed, an instant pit to his stomach. Something wasn’t right. “Ye-yes?”

“We have you down as Kim Namjoon’s emergency contact. There’s been an accident-“

The lady continued to talk, but Jimin didn’t hear anything more other than the hospital name. Everything was now completely muffled by his pounding heartbeat, his blood rushing around him as he tried to make sense of what just happened.

He shot from the bed and grabbed the nearest clothes he could fine. Tears silently streaming down his face. He pulled the hoodie hanging on the back of the door over his head and realised belatedly that it was Namjoon’s. His nose filled with his scent and he pulled the sleeve to his nose to breathe deeply for one second, before flying into action once more.

He wasn’t sure if Namjoon’s smell was helping or hindering him as he flew around the rest of the room.

He grabbed his phone as he ran towards the door and down towards the street.

It rang for a second before Jin answered. He was laughing and giggling, it contrasted bitterly with the situation Jimin now faced.

“Hi Chim- AHH. No. Yoongi, stop it… Sorry, I picked Yoon’s up from the studio and he’s being all whiny and needy.” Jimin could practically hear the fondness in Jin’s voice as he imagined him pushing away his boyfriend.

Jimin’s heart sank.

“Joon.” Jimin could hear how breathy his voice sounded, how his voice was marred with both unshed and shed tears. His brain struggling to comprehend with the turn of events.

“Jimin?” Jin’s voice suddenly went deathly serious and he knew, he knew.

“I…” he trailed off.

He looked out of the door at the lashing of rain and stepped out into it. He told Jin the name of the hospital without any further explanation, hanging up the phone. He couldn't say the words. He couldn’t bring himself to admit that he sent his boyfriend out into this weather, broken, alone, and now he was in the hospital.

It was all his fault.

He threw the door of the taxi open as he stepped out of the door. He was completely drenched, but he just didn’t care. The rain pounding him into the ground as his eyes scanned the area looking for where he needs to go.

“JIMIN.” He heard in the creases of his mind and he turned his head quickly.

Jin stood about 3 minutes away from him, under the cover of the reception, with his arms wide opened.

Jimin practically sprinted over to him. Not accepting the hug, he didn’t deserve that. He wrapped his arms around his torso as he looked frantically at the automatic doors. People walked calmly in and out, nurses smiled as they took their break outside.

It was too calm. His body unable to cope with the contrast between them and his own internal strife.

“How did you get here so fast?” Jimin was away walking through the door, he’ll figure out the directions when he’s inside.

“Yoongi floored it. He pretended he’s Joon’s cousin. The doctor is giving him a run down now.” Jimin nodded and he felt a fresh wave of tears. He should have been the first one here. He should have had the car. He should have… Joon should have never even been outside in the first place.

“Why was he driving in this? I thought we all agreed he wasn’t allowed to drive in bad weather or at night.” Jin attempted to lighten the mood. Jimin would usually be grateful for his awkward humour in serious situations, but right now it only brought more agony to his soul as he only shook his head in response.

Jin looked at him out of the corner of his eyes as he guided him through the halls.

Jimin caught sight of Yoongi in front of him when they turned the corner. His elbows resting on his knees with his head caught in his hands. Jimin watched as he shoulder shook. “f*ck.” He heard Jin mumble to the side of him, but Jimin had taken off running, he skidded to a haltin front of Yoongi.

“Yoo-”

Yoongi looked up at him, his eyes cloudy and guarded, his face covered in tears. “Jimin.” He croaked out, before his face creased up in pain, and he sobbed. It was one of the worst sounds Jimin thinks he’s ever heard in his life. He watched as the elders head dropped forward into his hands and he let out another gut wrenching sound that Jimin will take with him to his grave.

Jin sat down next to him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, his head resting on his shoulder. He heard a quiet exchange between them and Jimin looked around desperately, trying to find some clue of how he could get to Namjoon.

“He’s in surgery. The chances are slim.” Jin murmured from his position. His eyes now filled with tears as he holds onto Yoongi tighter.

Yoongi rose to his feet all of a sudden and he turned quickly, walking away from the two of them. Throwing the door to the restroom open and disappearing inside. Jimin heard the sound of a crash a moment later and he knew that Yoongi had taken his emotions out on an inanimate object.

Jimin stayed standing. He felt like his legs were about to give in, crash out from under him, but he continued to stand. He refused to allow himself the comfort of anything other than breathing until Namjoon was okay.

They stayed in silence. Jimin staring at the wall in front of him, his breathing ragged and inconsistent. Tears streamed down his cheeks, but he refused to let out a sob, refused to accidently attract any attention or sympathy.

Jin must have sensed his desire not to speak as he stayed quiet, an occasional sniff, or a turn of his head toward the restroom as he waited for Yoongi to appear.

Their silence was broken as a loud crash of the door, before footsteps could be heard rushing towards them. Jimin turned his head to see Hoseok and Taehyung running forward. Tae made a beeline for Jimin, his arms outstretched, but Jimin only shook his head in response, his arms wrapping back around himself as he moved away from the group and allowed Jin to explain the situation.

Taehyung sat next to where Jimin now stood. His head hung low as he glanced nervously upwards towards Jimin. Jimin tried to talk. Tell him to leave, but he found his vocal chords no longer worked. Each time he opened his mouth he felt the beginnings of earth shattering sob bubble up and he shut his mouth once more.

“Jimin would you please sit?” Yoongi muttered as he re-appeared and threw himself into the seat next to Jin. His knuckles bloody and cut up. He looked more calm though. A new sense of positivity laced into his features. Jimin wondered if he should punch something and take out the chaos of emotion inside of him. Instead he shook his head and looked towards the floor once more.

“Guys.” He heard a broken scream come from down the corridor, and Jungkook ran up to them, crashing himself into Jin’s open arms.

The youngest of their group in floods of tears as he tried to breathe through his sobs.

“I’ve been sat in the car trying to get out for the last hour. I couldn’t. I couldn’t move.” He whispered to Jin.

It was so soft and small. Jimin shouldn’t have heard it, but the corridor was so deathly quiet, only the mutterings of the nurses from the reception down at the entrance and the occasional doctor walking past. He couldn’t even hear the rain anymore.

Jin sat Jungkook in his lap as he continued to cry, his words completely inaudible as he cried into Jin’s neck. It was no secret that Namjoon had always been his favourite hyung. His cries only allowing Jimin’s guilt seep in deeper.

He watched as doctor after doctor passed by them, no information. One informed them that the surgery was still ongoing. Jimin wasn’t sure if no news was good news, or it was the worst of the scenarios.

“Jimin. Sit down.” Hobi looked up from where he sat next to Taehyung, their hands clasped.

Jimin ignored him, he didn’t deserve anyone's sympathy. He moved away from them all and stopped at a quiet part of the hallway. His legs were burning. His body itching to cry, to be comforted, to be loved. He closed his eyes and allowed Namjoon’s face to filter in through the haze. His laughter, his voice, his smile, his dimples, his way of allowing Jimin to curl up in his lap and play with his fingers when he read a book, his forehead kisses. f*ck, how did he ever think he could live without this man, his love, his home .

Yoongi walked over to join him and stood tentatively ignoring the plastic seat next to him.Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought about how uncomfortable they looked, designed to not allow you to stay too long.

“Jimin. Why was Joon out on the road?”

Jimin looked up to him and shook his head. He knew his eyes must be screaming for him not to ask the question,

“Jimin?”

Jimin fell forward as a sob ripped through him, Yoongi caught him instantly and cradled him to his chest as he screamed into the material of his sweater.

“It’s my fault.” Were the only words that came out of him. Over and over again on a loop. He screamed, he cried, he threw his fists against Yoongi’s chest.

He took it all. Never once complaining as Jimin took out his pain on him. His body heaving as he tried to breathe, Jin must have come up behind them at some point as he was spun around and placed into another set of arms. Everything felt grey, no arms felt comforting, no voice felt soothing, no scent felt calming.

Eventually they managed to calm him enough to stop the screaming, but his sobs didn’t quieten. He watched as each of their faces cringed slightly as he made the sounds, they sounded like hell to his own ears, he couldn’t imagine how they sounded to everyone else. A couple of nurses gave him sympathetic glances as they passed, their smiles tilted upwards as they passed the crazy man screaming into his friends shoulder.

Jin picked him up at some point and carried him over to the chairs where they all sat. He laid him, curled up on the seat, his head placed softly onto his lap as he slid his fingers through his hair. Yoongi had his feet placed in his lap, stroking his calves lightly, his fingers clasping his ankles and squeezing at intermittent moments.

Jungkook sat curled up on Hoseok’s lap. Jimin looked to him, his face bright red as tears slipped down his face, his shoulders shaking as he watched the younger boys whole universe crash in. Namjoon had always been his rock, his lighthouse in the dark, watching him face the prospect of losing that, and knowing it was his fault, was soul shaking. His body screamed in agony and he was forced to close his eyes as another sob ripped through him. He felt Jin pause his movement and he knew it must have been an awful, awful sound.

No one asked him why he continually repeated that it was his fault, their silence deafening, but also welcomed at the same time. The last thing he wants to discuss was the greatest f*ck up of his life.

He knew Joon was still alive, he could feel it in his soul. He felt a crushing pain and weight within him, but he knew he was still alive. His soul and heart felt crushed, but they felt healable.

“He’s going to be okay.” Hoseok tried to smile. His shoulder sagging as he spoke, his body betraying the positivity in his voice.

“He will be.” Yoongi nodded, solemnly, throwing his head back and looking upwards towards the light.

“This is why we don’t let him drive.” Hoseok tried to laugh, but it came out broken, the edges of the words covered in tears and a brokenness to them.

Jimin wailed. He curled up into himself as Jin swooped down to coddle him, bringing him to his chest as he tried to whisper platitudes.

Jimin threw him off, he stood on shaky legs. He felt better standing, like he was punishing himself. He walked away from the group, and outside. He felt guilty, he should be in there, listening to the words the doctors say, waiting for news, but he wasn’t sure he even deserved to hear what they had to say.

Namjoon was near death and he knew, he knew it was his fault. He didn’t even mean it, he didn’t want to break up with Namjoon, not deep down. His body burdened with nothing but regret as he stepped out into the rain and let his feet carry him towards the road. He walked until he found a courtyard.

His body was drenched as he sat on a bench, he pulled his legs up underneath him and wailed into the night sky, his body shaking with sobs.

He felt the rain stop and he blinked up in confusion. Yoongi stood above him with an umbrella. Looking at him quietly.

“I told him I wanted a break, I kicked him out.” Jimin gasped out before the sobs over took him once more. The rain and water dripping down from his hair mixed in with the salt of his tears as he tongue dipped out to run along his bottom lip.

Yoongi sighed audibly. Jimin dropped his eyeline back to the ground in front of him.

“You sent him out, heart broken, alone, and into this weather?” Yoongi said the words quietly, weariness present in them.

Jimin nodded, a fresh wave of tears reaching his eyes as he buried his face against his knee. “I thought he’d just… he’d go find you… he’d find me tomorrow. We could… he would… we’ve had this argument so many times. I just, I wanted him to see my side.”

“f*ck Jimin.”

“You can’t hate me anymore than I hate myself right now, Yoongi.”

“We should go inside. There might be news.” Yoongi held out his hand to help Jimin up, but he only shook his head.

“I don’t deserve to be in there. I don’t deserve the sympathy everyone’s giving me. I don’t deserve to be in the same building as him.” He shook his head.

“So you’re just going to leave him alone? When he wakes up the first person he’s going to ask for will be you.”

“He’s not going to wake up Yoongi. I killed him. I killed my boyfriend, I killed the love of my life. I sent him to his death.”

“You don’t know that. Don’t say that. Please.” He heard an audible sniff above him.

“Even if he wakes up, who's to say he’ll even want me there. He could scream at me and tell me to go away, and honestly I wouldn’t blame him.”

“For f*cks sake Jimin. Do you know why he was spending so much time in the f*cking studio? Why he was spending every waking moment there?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care Yoongi. He’s going to die, and it’s all my f*cking fault.”

There was silence for a long moment as Yoongi stared at the back of his head.

He was waiting for Jimin to say something, anything, but he couldn't speak, he couldn't form words.

“You know what, if you’re going to be such a f*cking defeatist, maybe it’s best you stay away from us.” Yoongi shook his head, probably in disgust. The rain plastered down on him once more and he knew he’d walked away with the umbrella.

He stayed there for hours, until he felt the first peaking of the light through the clouds as the rain ebbed away slightly. He looked upwards, and with the turn in weather he felt it infect his soul, his mood becoming less sour as his clothes start to release their cling on him.

He closed his eyes and tipped his head up toward the sky, his breathing coming in sharper, more clearer. He felt less panicked.

“JIMIN.” He heard a cry to the side of him and he turned his head slowly.

Taehyung was running towards him, “they have news. Yoongi’s talking to the doctor now.”

“Did he tell you what I did?” Jimin paused as he looked at his outstretched hand.

“He did…” he bit his lip and looked down. “It’s not my place to forgive you, it’s not my place to tell you what you did was this or that.” He sighed and shook his head. “It… it wasn’t your fault Jimin.”

He tipped his head back and looked up at the sky. “I know this is the last thing you’d choose to happen. You’d never hurt Joon.”

“I did though.”

“Physically.”

“Just emotionally then.” He hung his head in shame.

“You didn’t know this would happen Jimin, I’m not going to beat you up over something like this, I know you, I know you’d trade places with Namjoon right now if it meant he’d be on his feet again. This is not something you would ever wish for.”

“It doesn’t change that it happened Tae.”

“No. But… I’m not going to hate you for something you’re already hating yourself for.”

“How do you undo 24 hours of your life?”

Taehyung shook his head silently, holding his hand out in a quiet show of solidarity. Jimin took it without word, allowing Taehyung to pull him back towards his fate.

Yoongi was talking to a doctor in a white coat, he was nodding as he took the information in, Jin to his side held his hand in his. Jimin felt a pang of guilt. He should be the one doing this. It shouldn’t be up to Yoongi to act like the partner, when he wasn’t. Namjoon was his partner, his other half. He should be stronger, he should be the one taking the information.

Time froze as Yoongi turned to him, he looked miserable, but he didn’t look defeated. Jimin tried to not let that affect him, he couldn’t have hope until he knew, they said the chances were slim. He had to be logical.

Yoongi nodded to Jimin once, before crashing down in the seat.

“What did he say?” He heard Hobi ask to the side of him as he and Taehyung sat.

“They said he’s…” he paused and looked to Jimin. “They said he’s stable. He’s in the ICU, he’s in a coma.” Jimin held his breath.

“He ruptured his spleen in the impact, he was internally bleeding.” He dropped his head forward into his hands. “They… they removed it and gave him a blood transfusions.”

“I think that’s okay, I mean it's not good, but that's not going to stop him from living his life, right?” Taehyung looks around the group, all of them shrugged blankly.

“He’s alive.” He heard Hobi mutter under his breath. “That’s what counts.”

“There was a large amount of swelling to his brain.” Jimin sobbed as he curled up into a ball in his seat, Taehyung's arms slipping around his shoulders. “They drained some of it, but they need to do some CT scans and other tests when he’s awake. They said he could suffer memory loss, or vision loss, even seizures, but they won’t know until he wakes up.”

Jimin snapped his head up at that, looking to Yoongi. “He’s fallen into a coma.” Jungkook wailed to the side of them and Jin pulled him to him, cradling him against his chest.

“His important brainstems are functioning. They said Joon’s pupils are responding to light and his eyes blinked when his eyelashes were touched. He’s initiating breaths on his on his own but they still have him on ventilation.” Hoseok breathed a sigh of relief to the side of him.

“He’s strong.” He mumbled, nodding his head.

“They had to do a trac-trach...” Yoongi attempted to continue.

“Tracheotomy.” Jin finished for him. Kissing Jungkook’s forehead as he rocked him. “It’s a tube that enters his windpipe and allows him to breathe. They said it sounds more scary than it is.”

“They said it should protect him from things like pneumonia. They said he’s also…” he trailed off as he took a deep breath. “He has a Endoscopic tube, which will I think makes sure he’s getting the right nutrition.” Jin made a hum of agreement as everyone else nodded, well Jimin tried to, but his body refused to move.

Jungkook continued to sob, his face buried into Jin’s neck, who mumbled softly to him.

“Is there, is there anything we can do?” Jimin mumbled softly.

“They said to just visit him, read to him, talk to him. The coma could last up to two to three weeks, best case scenario.”

“He’s alive. We just need to focus on that.” Taehyung nodded to the side of them, his usual boxy smile now smaller, laced with weariness.

“We can visit him two at a time.” Yoongi stood, indicating he’ll be in the first wave.

Jimin raised slowly to his feet, as the others looked up towards him sympathetically.

Yoongi nodded, once, before turning on his heel and leading down the corridor.

Hobi stood, seconds later. “Jimin, I’m going to get you some dry clothes. I’ll be back soon.” Taehyung stood next to him nodding, “I’ll get some food, and call Joon’s parents.”

“I’ve called them.” Jin mumbled as he continued to stroke Jungkook's hair. “They’re on the next flight, but it’s a 14 hour flight from New York. I’ve spoken to the police too, they're investigating the crash.”

Jimin looked to him guiltily. “I wouldn’t expect you to remember to do things like that Jimin, you’ve got enough on your plate, just give him my love.”

“I’m going in as soon as Yoongi leaves.” Jungkook looked up with his face stained and red.

Jimin only nodded and followed behind Yoongi.

They stopped in front of a door and both held their breath as they swung the door open.

Jimin heard the whimpered, strangled sound that escaped him before he registered the sound as he practically pushed Yoongi out of the way to reach Namjoon. His hand reaching out and connecting with Joon’s instantly.

He was a gut wrenching sight. Tubes and wires surrounded and engulfed him. A large bandage wrapped around his head from where they’d had to operate. Jimin let his free hand ghost across the myriad of cuts and bruises that cover his face and neck. He dreaded to think how many other injuries he had. His wrist sat in a cast. It looked at those his legs had escaped the worst of the injuries, Jimin was at least thankful for that.

“They said he broke multiple ribs.” Yoongi came over to the other side of Namjoon, his fingers intertwining lightly with Namjoon’s as they poked out of his cast slightly.

Jimin didn’t really register the words that came out of Yoongi’s mouth, his mind just accepting that there were so many injuries and scars, both physical and mental that would take an inexplicable time to heal, if ever.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi whispered the words as Jimin ghosted his fingers across his eyelashes, the fact that they did, in fact, twitch under his fingertips filled him with sense of relief.

“Don’t ask about me. Please. I don’t deserve it.”

“Jimin, it’s not your fault.”

Jimin shook his head, he snorted as his body produced more tears. He wasn’t sure how his body still managed to produce them. He hadn’t drank or eaten since yesterday morning, and even then he’d barely gotten more than water down. Knowing he was about to ask the love of his life to go on a break. The whole thing seemed preposterous now, the thought of Namjoon being out of his life be by his own doing, or a cruel twist of fate was a nightmare.

He was the oxygen in his lungs, his starts in the sky, his lighthouse in the night, his safe space to land, his home.

“I know it seemed like he was spending all his time at the studio.” He sighed.

“Don’t. I don’t give a sh*t, he could spend all of his time at the studio, I don’t care anymore. As long as he’s awake and he's coming home to me.”

Yoongi shook his head, and ghosted his fingers across Namjoon’s cheek. “He’ll kill me for telling you, but given the circ*mstances.” He sighed. “He was writing an album, he didn’t want to tell you. You know what he’s like.” Yoongi smiled softly. “Nothing's ever good enough.”

“It was worse this time, because-”

“Yoons, do I want to hear this?”

“Probably not.” He shrugged lightly. “But, the songs were all for you. He wasn’t going to release them. He was... He was going to ask you...” He trailed off,Jimin felt his stomach flop over, his eyes closing tightly. Jimin knew where the sentence was leading, he was grateful the words weren't spoken aloud, it was easier that way.

“He was working on them after he finished for the day, he couldn’t risk Bang catching him.”

“He should have just told me, why didn’t he f*cking tell me.” He felt a dry sob rip through him.

“I guess who wants to tell the person who’s breaking up with you that you’re doing this huge gesture of love.” Yoongi sat himself down in the seat next to Namjoon. “You know what he’s like, he probably internalised everything by the time the door closed behind him.” He shook his head. “Resigned himself to a life of loneliness.”

A pause of silence once more before Yoongi started to talk softly again. "This must be a weird kind of internal war for him, trapped alone with his thoughts. It’s both his heaven and his hell.”

“He always said I made his brain go quiet.” Jimin smiled lightly.

“He told me that, the first time you met. He spent hours trying to formulate the words, until he just looked at me and said, ‘everything went quiet Yoongi, everything stopped. The sea calmed for the first time in twenty four years.’”

Jimin let out a long breath, as he shook his head. “He always has a way with words.”

“He does. Although he usually turns into a bumbling fool when you’re around.” He laughed. “Remember your first vlive?”

Jimin snorted lightly. “He’s a fool, but he’s my fool.” He dropped himself into the seat and resting his head against Namjoon’s hand, being careful not to disturb the wires and tubes that surround him. “Or he was my fool. I can’t be sure he’ll take me back.”

Yoongi only hummed in response. “Knowing Joon, he’s already forgiven you.”

“I can’t forgive myself Yoongi. That feeling isn’t going away anytime soon.” He shook his head.

“Probably not, but, this isn’t your doing.” Jimin shook his head.

“I wish everyone would stop lying by saying that, he was on the road because of me, he was out in that weather because of me, he wasn’t tucked up in bed because of me.” He sighed. “He looked so happy when he walked through the door last night, and I just, I destroyed him.”

Yoongi closed his eyes for a long moment, not wanting to take in the information he was being presented with. “At the end of the day you weren’t in the van that hit him and f*cking drove off. You didn’t do that.”

Jimin paused, his throat closed up as he heard the cause for the first time that day. “Is that what happened?” He felt a fresh wave of tears.

“The police, came, while you were outside.” He sighed. “They said the car span into the central reserve. None of it was Joon’s fault, he couldn’t have known what was happening until he was already knocked out.”

“The next driver called 119. They had to revive him at the scene.” Yoongi cut himself off as a sob escaped him.

“He died?” Jimin felt his heart drop into his stomach.

Yoongi nodded, then quickly shook his head. “He survived. That’s what they kept telling us to call it.”

“He died. He wasn’t on this planet for…” he broke into a fresh wave of tears, a harrowing wail escaping him.

“He survived, we need to be positive, it’s the only escape we have from all this, Jimin.” He breathed deeply. “Nothing other than Namjoon pulling through matters right now.”

They sat in silence for the next hour, the only sounds the beeping of the heart monitor and occasional sniffs as they both tried to prevent themselves from crying.

“I need to see Jin. I should probably let Kook in too before he bounds through the door and gets us all in trouble. Are you going to be okay? He’s going to be devastated.” He sighed.

“I’m not leaving Joon, so I’ll have to be.”

“Do you want me to do anything for you?”

Jimin shook his head, turning to look at the monitor. He sighed as he tried to understand the numbers reflected on the screen, it looked steady, so he could only assume that was a good thing.

He heard the door open and close and a few moments later open again as he continued to stare at the lines being formed.

“Joon.” He heard whispered behind him, slowly Jungkook came into view opposite him, his cheeks were bright red and his eyes were bloodshot, he was still weeping.

“He’s going to be okay, right?” He turned to look at Jimin, his eyes wide. He looked like a child, it broke Jimin’s heart to see him in this much pain. Another person he’s hurt by proxy.

Jimin nodded. “We’ve got to be positive.”

He watched Jungkook trace the lines of his face, his features creasing in pain as he ghosted his fingers across the cuts and bruising.

“Can he hear us?” His fingers ran down the side of his cast until they reached the tips of Joon’s fingers and he grasped them in his palm lightly.

“They said he can. It’s good for us to talk to him.”

Jungkook nodded, his eyes wide. “Jin sent me in with clothes. Hobi is covering your lessons and Tae has schedules. Yoongi, Jin and I are going to stay for today. Yugyeom is calling my clients.” Jimin nodded, Jungkook’s work as a private video editor was really starting to take off, Jimin felt even more guilt wash through him. Jungkook’s boyfriend did not need to deal with annoyed clients on top of everything else.

Jimin stood up with a sigh, reluctantly taking his hands away from Namjoon's as he moved to grab the bag of clothes, pulling the still damp hoodie over his head.

He heard the smallest of hums come from behind him, and he closed his eyes for a long moment as he registered Jungkook softly singing to Namjoon.

He eventually found the courage to turn around, Jungkook was now leaned against the bed, whispering the words against his ear, his fingertips lightly brushing against his cheek.

Jimin felt his heart in his throat as he watched the scene. Tears streaming down his face as he watched them. He swallowed a sob, before spinning around again. His hand coming up to cup his mouth as he tried not to make too much noise and disturb them.

He stood still until Jungkook had finished, and started a new song. At the end of the third song, Jungkook must have looked towards him as he only spoke quietly. “Jin put water in the bag for you. I don’t know if we’re meant to have that in here, but water can’t hurt.”

Jimin only nodded, his body not trusting his brain to be able to form words.

Jungkook stood and walked to the door, his hand clasping his shoulder. “I’ll give you some time. I’ll send Jin in a bit. He’s going crazy out there.” He felt a kiss be placed on the side of his head before the hand left him and the door opened.

He sighed and walked slowly over to Namjoon. Sitting down with their hands clasped once more.

“Joonie, please come back.”

His head dropped forward and laid on his forearm, tears streaming from his eyes. He only stopped when he felt a hand be placed on his shoulder sometime later and he looked up toJin’s concerned face.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Summary:

Jimin goes down memory lane as things start to settle in.

Notes:

and the fluff tag makes an appearance!
Thanks to everyone who has supported this fic, ily all - sorry for the ending ♡

Chapter Text

The press found out on the third day.

They surrounded the hospital entrance as they waited for news on Namjoon’s condition. Jimin had been caught unaware, his face uncovered and open to the elements as he broke his way through the crowd with Jin at his side. The screams rang in his ears as they asked him for questions, or shouted sentences into his ear waiting for a confirmation or a denial.

Jin had taken on the role of super hero as he grabbed Jimin’s hand and pushed his way through the lines of reporters, his arms out in a defensive motion until he reached the safety of the hospital. He felt his body shaking and his legs almost give in from under him at the sensory overload. Jin took control of the situation as he walked him to the quiet area of the reception desk, finding him a seat and water to aid his recovery.

Jin had immediately left the hospital when he was situated with Namjoon, returning later with a hat, sunglasses and face mask. The comfort the barrier between him and the rest of the world keeping the panic at bay as he left the hospital.

Jimin had found himself taking up residence in Yoongi and Jin’s apartment, unable to cope with being in his own home again after that night . They had both welcomed him with open arms, Jin insisting that it only gave him an excuse to use the “good guests towels” as he busied himself being host. Yoongi has quietly whispered to Jimin that he felt as if they were practising for the Queen of England to stay next, receiving a sharp hit in the back of the head and a reprimand from Jin.

Being in a hub of domesticity was both comforting and draining. Thoughts of what could have been plagued him regularly as he watched the two of them sneak kisses when they thought Jimin was distracted, or the way Jin always set a fresh glass of orange juice in the fridge for Yoongi in the morning, which he gulped down with a smile when he eventually awoke.

The times he woke up with one or two of them surrounding him after he’d cried himself to sleep was enough to quell any form of jealousy that could arise within him however. The two of them deserved happiness and he would move mountains to make sure they kept it forever.

The two of them held his hand as he watched the news reports the first night, one on each side as he watched his and Jin’s face plastered onto the screen in front of him. He was grateful for Jin’s debate on whether they caught his best side, eventually decided that he didn't have a better side - they both were as good as one another, after all. At least the conversation managed to distract him from looking at his own face for more than a second.

He looked awful, he couldn’t describe it any other way. His skin was ashen, his eyes sunken and his face red with drying tears. He could see the bubble of panic inside of him, as he looked at Jin with wide eyes, only for him to start anime punching the reporters out of the way seconds later.

The press had mostly commented on Jimin’s clear emotional distress, stating the obvious regarding the way he looked and how little sleep he must be obtaining. The news had become his gut wrenching obsession as he waited for what they would say next, what image they would catch as they watched him walk to and from the hospital each time. Over time it became easier as they were pushed back behind barriers, no longer able to block his path or push their microphones into his personal space.

The press had tired with the lack of answers after the first week, his face blocked from view and their questions not being answered as Jimin refused to give any hint to the situation, let alone speak to them. They then became more underhanded as they looked for information, turning back to their original image of Jimin, hiring body language experts and lip readers in order to decipher his incoherent mutterings to Jin.

Jimin watched each broadcast with a morbid fascination, most ‘experts’ declared that Jimin was suffering from possible post traumatic stress disorder and clear emotional distress, which really, anyone with eyes could see from a mile away. Some delved deeper, stating that Jimin seemed to have a look of guilt surrounding him, high levels of stress impacting on the way he moved. The accuracy had shaken him so much he had trawled the internet for hours as he tried to decipher what the public thought of him.

Namjoon’s fan-base had instantly defended him, pictures and gifs of the two of them over the years flooding his phone screen as he held back tears. They all came back with the simple response - the perfectly sweet and humble Jimin could never harm a hair on Namjoon’s head, let alone harbour any guilt, all he ever did was love RM with his whole heart.

The defence left a bitter taste in his mouth as he watched millions of people defend something he had, indeed, done.

A week or so later Jimin is sat in the ICU once again, Namjoon’s hands clasped in his, the elders mother sitting opposite him reading the newspaper out loud. Usually he appreciated the distraction, the useless facts, the funny articles that allowed them to giggle and forget the fact her son and his love was trapped in darkness in an unseeing world.

Today, however, was not one of those days. Jimin just wanted to be alone. Everything felt uncomfortable and wrong, he ached beyond belief, from the tip of his toes to the top of his head, he, hurt . He couldn’t describe the pain that sat with him on a daily basis. It was as if a large chunk of him was missing, he just didn’t feel whole anymore.

Namjoon’s eomma must have felt his resistance for company as she stood slowly from the other side of the bed, and run her fingers through Namjoon’s swiftly growing out hair. Thankfully he’d dyed it black a couple of weeks ago, too wrapped up in the studio to worry about things like bleaching, Jimin was grateful, he knew how much he would hate to wake up and find his roots growing out.

Jimin almost laughed at his train of thought, this happened a lot recently, the smallest thing became a long thought chain. As if his brain was channelling in on anything that wasn’t, this . Just yesterday he’d managed to have a hour long conversation with Jin about his hangnail. He was eternally thankful that Jin played along and acted as if the whole conversation was riveting.

A few days ago they’d switched Namjoon to a vein feeding tube, which now made Namjoon’s face a lot more visible. Jimin both hated it and loved it. He was happy he could at least see his face now, but the lack of a smile and the bruises showering his skin made him hard to look at.

“I’m going to get some air. I’ll be back in a bit.” She smiled and ruffled Jimin’s hair as she passed.

“Thanks eomma.” He mumbled, as she nodded. She’d asked Jimin to call her that after she had arrived, it felt weird at first, but now it just felt like a comfort. At least he felt he had someone in Namjoon’s life on his side. She hadn’t blamed him once, even after he’d given her a full tear-fuelled confession as they waited for visiting hours. She only held him and whispered that it wasn’t his fault, over and over again. Jimin knew he didn’t deserve it, but he accepted it anyway. She looked as though she just needed to mother someone and Jimin needed some kind of affection.

Namjoon had always been his never ending supply of love. His never ending supply of cuddles, until, recently. He was doing better at accepting what had happened, they both made mistakes, they both held some form of responsibility for their ‘break.’

If it could be called that, all Jimin wanted was to be wrapped up in the elders arms again, or for the smallest signs of an opening eye. A finger twitch, anything.

He sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair, before closing his eyes tightly. He heard the door close behind Namjoon’s mother and he opened his eyes once more.

“Hey Joonie.” He mumbles quietly, he’d avoided talking to him one on one before now. The pain cut too deep. Today felt different, today he felt as if he wanted to at least try.

“They… they said I should try talking to you? I don’t know, I feel stupid just talking to an silent room, but, they said it might help. Today I feel more..” he paused unable to think of where the sentence was heading. “...Able to.” He brushed his fingers lightly against his cheek, they rubbed against the bandage that wrapped around his forehead and he flinched.

“See, the thing is, they say ‘help’ but whether they think it will help you, or help me, I don’t know.” He sniffed and tried to hold back the tears that were about to wash down his cheeks.

“You would think I’d have run out of tears by now.” He felt himself laugh miserably. “Is that even possible? I don’t know. That would be one of those questions I’d ask you and you’d know, because you always know something about everything. It was one of the first things I fell in love with.”

“I don’t even know if you remember it, it was so insignificant.” He laughed quietly and broken, his hands clasping Joon’s in his. “The night you took me stargazing and I asked how many days it would take to get to the moon, and you just, you knew. I even remember the answer, 3 days.” He smiled shaking his head. “Well for the Apollo missions at least. See, I even remember that.” He felt a small laugh bubble up in his chest as the memory of Namjoon pushing his glasses up his nose as he spoke filled him, their eyes trained upwards towards the night sky as they talked.

“I remember everything about that night. I remember everything about the day we first met too. It’s all recorded up here. I probably shouldn’t remember it down to the colour of the shoes you were wearing, but I do.” He smiled softly, his eyes falling glassy as he fell back in time describing the moment they first met.

☽

“Jimin. You’re an idiot.” Taehyung laughed down the phone as he practically skipped down the street.

“What?! My best friend is plastered over a million and one posters all over Seoul and I’m not allowed to call him screaming about it?”

“You can call me screaming about it, but you didn’t have to actually scream. My producer thought you were being attacked!” He heard the laugh in his voice.

“One day you’ll go into the military my young fledgling-”

“I’m the same year as you.” Taehyung interrupted.

“Still younger. Anyway, one day you’ll go into the military, which you would have done had you not ditched me when you fell in love with Hoseok.”

“I didn’t go because of my career…” Taehyung interrupted.

“Blah, blah, blah. Don’t pretend you didn’t have those papers shredded the second you saw him, deciding and I quote ‘I’m going to marry that piece of ass if it kills me trying.’”

“Well I landed the ass, I’ve yet to marry it, but we’ll see.” He could hear the fondness in Taehyung’s voice as the conversation switched to Hoseok.

“Anyway, I knew you were big, but I didn’t know you were this big. I just want to scream at everyone that I know you.”

“Please don’t. It’s embarrassing enough that you insisted on me signing my merch for you last night.” Taehyung groaned on the other end of the phone as he spoke.

“Taehyung did you know you’re promoting Tom Ford’s perfume?”

Taehyung sighs, already knowing where this is headed. “Yes.”

“Taehyung, did you know you’re promoting KFC? Wait. Why on earth are you promoting chicken...?”

“I like chicken.”

“Did you know you’re promoting a moisturiser?”

“I’m hanging up now Jimin.”

“No! Wait did you know you’re-”

“Goodbye Jimin. I love you.”

The phone beeped signalling Taehyung had hang up and he sighed. Opening the camera to take some pictures that he could bug Taehyung about at home.

He’d unofficially, officially, moved in with Hobi and Taehyung after leaving the military. It seemed the most sensible thing to do as he worked in the same dance studio as Hoseok, and Taehyung had been his platonic soulmate since before he could talk, brought up as practical brothers by their parents as they lived next to one another.

Today was a good day, he’d taught his first dance class, and he was currently free for the rest of it. Deciding he wanted to spend some time reacquainting himself with Seoul, so he headed for his favourite coffee shop and held his new Japanese phrase book in his hand. His newest goal to be somewhat fluent in Japanese by the end of the year, getting off to a strong start.

He ordered his favourite drink and sat down without much care, idly tracing his fingers across the pages of his book as he tried to repeat the words softly to himself.

Jimin felt a warmth spread out across the top of his head as he ducked himself down to read through his book, spelling out a particularly long word on his mind. He brought his head up to look across the shop as he felt the eyes slide away from him, he couldn't find the culprit but he couldn't shake the feeling that someone was looking at him, or at the very least checking him out.

The army had knocked all sense of reality out of him in terms of flirtation or picking up on signals, but he could feel it. He could feel a pair of eyes on him and he couldn’t deny it. He noticed a small petite brunette catch his eye from the corner table and he smiled politely back, not willing to encourage an interaction if he could help it. Explaining he was gay to women who were attempting to flirt with him was never one of his favourite moments.

He flicked his eyes back down to his book but once again felt as if someone was watching him with curious eyes and he flicked his eyes up once more, locking them directly with the man at the table opposite him. He watched as a sudden red tint took over his cheek and his eyes flicked back down to his book. Jimin could almost giggle at how cute his deer in headlights expression was, but he held it in. Instead smiling slightly and flicking his eyes back down to his book.

It went on like that for far too long. Catching the other person staring, and looking away quickly, until Jimin felt brace enough to extend the smallest of smiles his way, watching the other flush cutely before a small smile graced his features, his eyes flicking back down to his own book. Jimin caught the sight of two dimples on his cheek and he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on his book anymore. From that point on he feigned reading, staring at the same page while secretly glancing up.

He continued to watch the man with the dimples from across the cafe, taking in more details as he did so. He watched as his eyes darted around every now and then, and he pulled his cap forward when younger customers walked in. He only intrigued him further as he continued to quietly read his book, sipping his coffee every now and then, occasionally glancing up and locking eyes with Jimin.

He wasn’t sure why their eyes were being drawn together constantly, but each time he looked down and pretended to read his book he could swear he felt two shy eyes looking his way, but when he returned his gaze upwards, he was only shrinking himself back down once more. Eyes trained on the book in front of him.

Jimin took a deep breath as he finally built up his courage to look at him for more than a few seconds. Their eyes locked onto each other for what felt like hours and Jimin knew he was done for. His heart picked up speed and his body zinged with electricity as he looked at the man. He smiled shyly and nodded his head just the slightest bit, his dimples lazily popping out as his head ducked down to return to his book.

Before Jimin could question himself he raised from his seat, grabbing his coffee and swinging himself down into the seat opposite the stranger with the dimples.

“Is it good?”

His head snapped up and he was met with two eyes laced with confusion. He felt a giggle bubble up within him as his eyes skirted around the small cafe.

“Is-is what good?” He half whispered, he pulled his cap down slightly.

“Your book?” His features graced with his most charming smile as he pointed to the book clasped in his hands.

“It’s my fifth time reading it.” He laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “Although first time in English, so it has a different feel this time.”

“I can barely say hello in English. I’m attempting Japanese though.” He held up his book smiling, “it’s not going very well." He staged whispered as if he was letting Namjoon in on a great secret.

He watches a lazy smile form across his features, and he giggles lightly, shrugging. “Some people have a knack with language, some people take a little bit longer, but you will get there. Besides, I bet you have other talents.” He smiles politely.

Jimin raises his brow and smiles. “You’re telling a complete strange they’re talented?”

“All of the aRMy is talented.”

“Army? How did you know I just got out the military?” Jimin looked at him in complete confusion, only to be met with a similar look of confusion on the other man’s face.

“Oh.” His eyes went wide and a blush covered his cheek. “ Oh . That’s embarrassing. I thought you were… You know what, never mind.” He shook his head, seemingly ending the conversation he was having with himself.

“Your hair is cut military style.” He smiles, motioning to his short on the sides style.

“Oh, of course.” Jimin brought his hand up to run through his locks, a habit he picked up years ago. “I hate it.” He pouted for a second. “I’m Jimin.” He pulled his face into a blinding smile and held his hand out towards him.

“It doesn’t look that bad.” He shrugged and placed his book face down to concentrate on the man in from of him. “I’m…” He paused for a second, shaking his head as if he was used to saying something else but changed his mind at the last second. “Namjoon.” He smiled shyly, the lightest touch of dimple poking onto his cheek, their hands meeting to shake. Jimin felt the spot where they connected tingle slightly and he tried his best to will away the flush he felt travelling towards his cheeks.

“Have you done it?” Namjoon blinked at him in confusion. “Military, I mean.”

“Oh! Yeah, yes, I did before I deb-” He cut himself off. “I did it a couple of years ago now. I did it straight out of school.”

“Being back gets easier right?” Namjoon only nodded.

“It’s, it’s a lot to adapt to. I went straight into work, and it really, I didn't get time to adjust, but yes, yes it does get easier.” He smiled lightly.

“I feel like I’m playing catch up on all my friends lives.” He sighed.

“I was lucky, I went in at the same time as my best friend Yoongi, so we kind of, helped each other. He also deb- went straight back into work after we finished.”

“I was meant to go in with my friend, Taehyung, but he ditched me for love.” He laughed. “No, I shouldn’t say that, his career was taking off. But, also, love.”

“Must be nice.” He smiles and looks slightly above Jimin’s head and out of the window behind him.

“I’m sorry. I’m here, interrupting your coffee. I’ll leave you alone, it was nice to meet you Namjoon-ssi.” Jimin begins to stand up, but is stopped by Namjoon’s hand suddenly appearing on his bicep.

“You’re not interrupting. Please don’t go.” He looks at his hand, quickly letting go, his face flushing suddenly. “If you don’t want to that is.”

“I don’t want to.” Jimin answers automatically, sitting back down.

“So what are you planning on doing now you’re back in the real world?” He motioned around them.

“I’m a dancer” he grinned as the impressed smile grew across Namjoon’s face. “And my friend, Taehyung’s boyfriend, Hoseok, is a dancer too, so we’re going to open up a studio soon. We’re just waiting for the paperwork to go through. I’m teaching classes freelance until then.” He grinned, proud of himself for coming so far so quickly after exiting his conscription.

“Wow! You dance? That’s incredible.” Jimin smiles, nodding, if there was one thing he was exceptionally proud of it would always be his dancing skills.

“I do. By the way, I’m ‘95, I don’t know…” He trailed off.

“‘94! Hyung it is.” He smiled, his eyes squishing up into a little line, dimples poking out for the world to see.

Jimin relaxed in his chair as they continued to talk, Namjoon’s laughter a warm hug as he threw himself backwards in the chair at something Jimin had said. His smile growing wider as he watched Jimin nearly fall forward from his chair, his body wrecked with giggles. He shot his arms out at one point to prevent him from falling to the floor.

Their conversation ranged from the inconsequential to the deep and philosophical. Jimin learnt all about Namjoon’s love of sea life, and philosophy, how the discussion went from Marxism to crustaceans Jimin would never know but Namjoon intrigued him like no other. Jimin walked Namjoon through his army experience, letting him on how it felt to be back and sharing his deep seated fears of not completely slotting back into the life he once knew.

He felt calmer the more Namjoon talked, his past experience in the military and his words of comfort making the whole thing seem like less of an impossible task. Jimin only wanted the conversation to continue on for longer, he wanted to get to know him deeper. He wanted to learn his flaws and his imperfections, what made him tick.

He was pondering how to take this conversation to the next level when a group of teenagers walked in and suddenly Jimin felt Namjoon’s mood shift. His baseball cap pulled down lower and his smile faded instantly. Jimin was about to ask him what was wrong when he mumbled, “wanna take a walk?” to the side of him.

Jimin wasn’t sure about the sudden change in Namjoon’s demeanour, but he was also well aware of the fact he’d probably follow him to the end of the earth right now. So he stood up instantly, and nodded in response. “Han River?”

“That sounds like heaven.” He grinned, quickly putting his book away and heading for the exit.

Once they stepped outside, Jimin turned to the right, lifting his head to the sun. His eyes caught something from the corner and he paused instantly. His feet frozen as he stared at the dimpled face staring back at him.

“Namjoon Hyung?”

“Hm?” he heard a hum of acknowledgement and he watched him turn around out of the corner of his eye.

“Why are you…” He pointed upwards.

“Oh.” Was all Namjoon could get out.

“You’re a freaking IDOL ?!” Jimin spluttered out before Namjoon grabbed his wrist and pulled him down a small side alley.

“Please don’t shout that.” He laughed.

“Oh shoot, of course. I’m sorry.” He flushed and brought his sweater covered hands up to his face covering himself.

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Summary:

Namjoon is awake... But the guilt in Jimin rolls off him in waves.

Chapter Text

“Joon?!” He gasped before rising from his seat in panic.

“Joon. f*ck. Joon.” He cried. His body instantly wanting to wrap him up in a hug but his brain screaming at him to find a nurse.

“ Joon .” He felt himself cry for what felt like the millionth time.

He made a compromise with himself as he leaned in and pressed a long kiss against his cheek, whispering that he’d be right back. The whole action was a lot more calmer than he felt.

“Someone! Help! He’s awake.” Jimin screamed and he watched three nurses running toward him, already halfway down the hallway from him, a doctor following behind them. Almost as if they were aware something had changed in the room.

Jimin stood towards the back as they checked Namjoon’s vitals and forcing him to stop attempting to remove the cables that were attached to him. Jimin had read that it was common for coma patients to try to remove wiring and equipment when they awoke up. He watched as Namjoon attempted to stand up and had to be held back into place by the nurses.

Once they had managed to settle him somewhat, the doctor calmly walked over, explaining what he could, he used extremely simple terms as he asked Joon to blink in response to each question. Once for yes, twice for no, he kept repeating the instructions each time he asked a new question.

There was a lot of discussion of different tests they would need to do and Jimin watched as they discussed Namjoon’s breathing. He couldn’t take in exactly what they were saying as his eyes were trained on Namjoon and his brain was too fuzzy to concentrate on long medical words.

He’d tried his best to research all the different terminology when he’d been unable to sleep, which was most nights, but his brain just didn’t retain the information.

They spoke to Jimin before leaving the room, he nodded as he attempted to take all the information in but it did not sink in as much as he wished it would, all he could see was Namjoon’s eyes looking at him from his side of the room. He watched as they drooped, and he would force them open once again, all the different and new stimuli seemingly exhausting him.

They quietly informed him they’d be taking Joon in for another CT scan soon. That he understood, at least. He watched as they walked out and he moved slowlytowards Joon. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to talk yet, sometimes it’s difficult for newly awoken patients to do much of anything other than move their eyes and blink. He refused to push Joon before he was ready so he only sat quietly next to him, taking his hand. His heart jolted as he felt Namjoon’s thumb brush against the back of his hand for the smallest second. His mind dared to dream about what that could mean, but he had to hold himself back until he knew for sure.

“Do you remember me?” Jimin asked the question with dread in his heart. He watched as Namjoon attempted to move his head, before his eyes showed nothing but frustration, his body was too exhausted and confused to carry out the command. “Blink for me, like you did for the doctor, okay?”

Jimin watched as Joon blinked once again, an instant wave of ecstatic relief flowing through him as he let out the breath he’d been holding.

“Oh thank God.” His hand moved up to clutch his chest as he looked at Namjoon.

“Your eomma had to go back home but I’ll call her, just, give me a minute.” He watched Joon blink once in sympathy and he wanted to sob, somehow even in this moment Joon managed to only ever think of him, even when he didn’t deserve it.

He watched Namjoon’s eyes slip close again, before he forced himself to keep them open. “It’s okay Joonie, you can fall asleep. I’ve been doing so much research. You’d be so proud.” He felt himself laugh and he watched as Joon’s eyes crinkle in both adoration and amusem*nt. “You’re bound to feel exhausted at the slightest thing.” The younger watched as Joon’s eyes slipped closed again, before he startled himself awake again, and squeezed Jimin’s hand.

It looked as though it was meant to be a tight squeeze, looking at the muscles contorted on Namjoon’s face, but to Jimin it only felt like the lightest bit of pressure. “I’ll be here when you wake up Joonie. I promise.” He whispered, and he felt the hand go lax, his eyes slipping closed once more.

Jimin refused to be moved or let go of his hands for the next three hours as he patiently, or rather, extremely im patiently, waited for Namjoon to open his eyes once more.

After a while Jimin watched as Namjoon’s eyes blinked open again and he felt his heart instantly pick up speed.

“Joonie?” He breathes and stands up instantly. He wasn’t sure why, his body just seemed to need to do something.

Namjoon blinked up at Jimin and he opened his mouth, as if about to speak. “Baby, it’s okay, you don’t need to.”

“Mi-Min…” his voice sounded wrong, it sounded croaky and breathy, not at all like the soft yet deep voice he’s used to.

“I’m here, I told you I would be.” Namjoon moved his head in the semblance of a nod and Jimin instantly brought his lips to the elders for a long, quiet second.

“I’ve missed you.” He mumbled against them before pulling away and nuzzling his nose against Joon’s cheek.

“I-I,” he stopped, frustrated, “missed…”

“It’s okay, I understand.” Jimin took over for him as Namjoon’s eyes showed nothing but anger.

“Yoongi’s on his way here. Jungkook said he wants second dibs on visits, is that okay?” Namjoon blinked and the corners of his eyes creased in a smile.

Jimin draped himself as best he could over Namjoon, holding him close with his eyes closed, unwilling to part from him. Every now and then Namjoon would twitch slightly and Jimin knew he was attempting to hold him in return but his body just couldn’t manage it, the effort made him want to weep in relief.

The door swung open after a time and he heard a loud sigh of relief.

“Kid you really f*cking scared us.” Yoongi shook his head before clasping the fingers at the end of his cast and holding onto them.

“So-sorry.” Namjoon croaked out, his eyes sad.

“Don’t apologise.” He went to sit down before having a second thought and leaned forward, placing his lips against Namjoon’s forehead.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again.” Yoongi mumbled against him before sitting back down.

“We’re so glad you’re okay.” Jimin whispers against his ear before he sits back down. He leans forward to rest his head against Joon’s arm, their fingers interlocked as Jimin plays with them.

Yoongi asks questions at first, how he’s feeling, what he’s missed most, until he becomes aware of how difficult the effort is of vocalisation for Joon. Eventually he settles back against his chair and walks Namjoon through his latest music, things he’s released, and things he hasn’t, playing certain clips on his phone every now and then. His producing work taking the world by storm as he’s now taken a step back from rapping.

After a while he begins a general run down of the music industry as a whole since Namjoon had been away from the real world. Jimin could tell Namjoon was enjoying the conversation - as one sided as it was - his grunts and mumbles of agreement sounding enthusiastic and happy to Jimin’s ears. He felt his fingers move against his at some points, tingling pulses shoot up and down his arms whenever Joon attempts to squeeze their hands together.

Yoongi sighs after an hour or so and rises from his seat. “Jungkook has sent me 20 texts in the last 5 minutes. I think he’s eager to see you.” He laughs squeezing Joon’s fingers in his own. “I’ll be back soon kid, I promise.” Namjoon nods and smiles weakly.

“Do you want me to send Kookie away?” Jimin questions as he lifts himself up to stare at Joon.

He shakes his head instantly, then scrunches his features in pain. Jimin automatically coos, resting his hand upon his cheek and checking his eyes aren’t dilated.

“I’m o-o-o.” He attempts to move up the bed and fails. “I wan’ t’see ‘im,” he attempts to say, his wide eyes staring up at Jimin. The younger nods in understanding, watching as Joon’s eyes slip closed, leaning in against the hand Jimin placed on his cheek.

“Joonie?!” He hears gasped behind him and Jungkook appears in seconds, swatting Jimin’s hand away, placing a huge kiss against his cheek that could probably be heard in the next room. His excitement at seeing Joon awake palpable.

“I sung to you, did you hear me?”

Joon nods instantly and Jimin’s not sure if he did or he didn’t, but he smiles all the same at Jungkook’s reaction, all bouncy feet and bunny smiles.

“We n’d t’mae you a’ idol.” Joon’s croaks out.

Jungkook stops for a second and cringes. “It’s from the breathing tube.” Jimin mumbles. “His voice will go back to normal when it’s healed.”

Jungkook goes wide eyed for a second, as if remembering where he was, and what had happened to Namjoon. Suddenly he leans forward against the elders chest and burrows his head against it. Whispering different words of encouragement and praise. Jimin let one of his hand leave Joon’s and buries it into Jungkook’s thick, dark hair. His fingers carding through the strands as the younger leans into it, his eyes closed as he continues to tell Joon how much he missed him.

“You alw’s my b’y boy, okay?” Joon mumbles to Jungkook as visiting hours end and they’re forced to leave.

“I know.” He mumbles. “I love you Hyung.”

Namjoon smiles, his eyes crinkling into little moons and he nods. “‘ove you too.”

He turns his head to Jimin as he prepares to walk out of the room. “I-I ‘ove you ‘ore.” He mumbles.

“I should hope so.” Jimin smiles lightly and brings his lips to his forehead once more. “I’ll be here for the tests tomorrow. They said they might try to get you doing some light physio soon - but I’ll be here for it all, okay?” Namjoon nods, smiling faintly.

“I love you. Sleep, okay? You deserve it.” His lips find the elders, placing a soft kiss there that he wishes he would never end.

He reluctantly leaves the room when the nurse coughs at the door, signalling his time really was up for today.

One week later Jimin stands in the same room once more, Namjoon smiling softly as he strokes the hair against his forehead, waking him from his nap - the bandage that once sat there now removed.

“I hate it here.” Namjoon grumbles when he catches sight of Jimin, his forehead creased and his face strained with pain.

Jimin instantly feels a stab of guilt, his feet stumble slightly and his head doesn’t feel like it’s attached to his body for a moment. “Whoa, babe.” Joon instantly reaches his working hand out to Jimin to steady him, his face shining a small smile his way. “Are you okay?” He let’s go when he feels he’s safe to, Jimin sat in the chair next to the bed.

“Fine.” He mumbles too caught up in his own guilt to get out a proper sentence.

“The nurses are great, it’s fine, I’m just so bored…” He half whines, half huffs. Jimin zones out as he continues to talk.

It’s not really as if Jimin had been purposefully keeping the memories of that night to himself. Namjoon just, hadn’t brought it up, and Jimin felt at odds to start the discussion unwilling to load that kind of information onto Joon. After some probing by the doctors, and some soft questioning from Jimin it had been established that Namjoon barely remembered the last three or so weeks prior to the accident. Jimin knew he had to tell him, he knew he did, but he also couldn’t face the thought of it. The look of betrayal he knew would follow it, the look of devastation that would be etched into Namjoon’s face.

It’s not as if he hadn’t tried really, he did once, got all the way up to the night in question, filling him in on nearly everything he could, with the exceptions of the disagreements and arguments scattered across their time together. Eventually Namjoon had wondered if he’d stepped out to grab something from the night store and Jimin only agreed quietly, wanting the moment to end.

The others had asked him if Joon knew and he had nodded, for some, ridiculously stupid reason. Too embarrassed to tell them he couldn’t face doing it alone. He had made them all swear not to bring it up in front of Joon under the guise that the memory hurt him too much and he didn’t want to be reminded.

They all understood, of course they did, Namjoon had been through a traumatic event purely at the hands of Jimin. He sighed silently, trying to not let Joon into where his thoughts had travelled. Taehyung had told him repeatedly to snap out of it, not to blame himself, it’s the driver that hit him, he’s the one at fault, not Jimin.

It didn’t help, nothing did.

“I miss our bed.” He sighed.

“Me too.” Jimin sighed. Still unable to be in their apartment.

“Why? You get to see it tonight.” Joon giggled at his perceived silliness.

Jimin’s eyes grew slightly wider as he realised his error. “I just meant, it doesn’t feel like our bed without you in it.”

He smiled, hoping Namjoon would buy it. He watched as the elders cheek turned a light pink and he covered his mouth with his free hand as he smiled. Jimin instantly lifted from his seat, removing the hands and kissing the dimple closest to him, leaning into his neck and breathing the scent in deeply.

“I can’t wait until you smell of you again.” He mumbled, the hospital smell clung to Namjoon, the crappy soap they had forced him to use still embedded into his skin. He’d been allowed to start using his own body wash when he took his first shower in weeks yesterday, but it didn’t stop him from smelling purely of hospital.

Namjoon’s hand came up to hold him in place against him, his fingers running lightly through Jimin’s hair. “You dyed your hair black again.” He mumbled. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before now, it looks lovely.” He turned his head slightly, made difficult by his healing tracheotomy scar.

“Too much hassle to deal with roots.”

“I missed you so much.” Joon sniffled, and Jimin felt his shoulders shake with silent tears. He instantly lifted himself up from his position, wrapping his arms around Namjoon and bringing him in close.

“Did you hear us?” Jimin whispered.

“Sometimes, sometimes not.” He sighed. “I heard Jungkook singing sometimes, and Tae’s lively stories.” Jimin could hear the smile in his voice. He sighed once more. “Crying. I heard a lot of crying. I knew it was you. That was the worst part, hearing you crying and not being able to do anything to help.” He sniffed, his voice cracking as he spoke. “I felt so helpless, I…” He cut himself off as a sob ripped through him and Jimin instantly squeezed him against himself.

“You came back, you came back to me Joonie, that’s all that matters.” Namjoon nodded against his chest, his good arm clinging to the material of his shirt.

Jimin knew they were probably not being very sensible, crushed together like this with what felt like a million different tubes still pumping drugs and God only knows what else into Joon’s system, but he didn’t care. He dropped his head downward and placed a long kiss onto the crown of his head.

“I’m sorry.” He sniffed, and attempted to pull back, but Jimin only grabbed him tighter.

“What are you sorry for?” He asked quietly, confused.

“For going out, for getting into a crash, for being here, for forcing you to come here everyday.” Jimin felt like he had been punched in the gut as he struggled to drag in oxygen, Joon oblivious, kept talking. “we both know I’m a bad driver, f*ck , what possessed me…” he trailed off and sniffed once more, shaking his head.

Jimin snapped, his body moving before his brain caught up as he grabbed Joon’s face in his hand, leaning down until their noses were pressed together.

He should tell him.

He should tell him the real reason.

He felt it on the tip of his tongue as he stared at him.

“Don’t you ever apologise for something another driver did, okay?” He watched a small relieved smile appear on Joon’s face as he nodded. Jimin bit hit lip and tried not to feel too guilty as he brought Namjoon into his arms again.

It had been another week of Namjoon resting quietly. His physio had started the week before and he was slowly gaining his motor functions back. Jimin’s heart burst with joy the first time he watched Namjoon pick up his cup by himself and bring it to his lips. The first time he watched Joon take a step aided by the professionals he sobbed so hard Joon had to force them to stop what they were doing so he could comfort him.

Today held no physio appointments, just more tests. Tests upon tests, that’s all Jimin’s life seemed to be made up of now, waiting on results and watching Namjoon retake the ones with inconclusive results. He hated it, watching his boyfriend be reduced to a human pin cushion as needle after needle went into his arm.

He didn’t care though, he would force Joon to do any test as long as he knew he was okay and ready to live a long and healthy life with him.

Namjoon scooted over when Jimin finished the latest book he had been reading quietly as he rested with his eyes closed. It had become something of a habit between them, since Joon had confided in him about his terror of sleeping. Namjoon would recharge as Jimin’s soft voice lulled him into a dreamlike state. His worries melting away as one word bled into the next.

“Please just, come here for a minute.” He mumbled, squishing over a little bit more.

“The nurses will kill me.” Jimin raised an eyebrow.

“Please. I’m fed up of awkward hugs, just please.” He sighed.

Jimin eyed him for a second. “If they tell me off, I’m blaming you.”

“Please, Jimin.”

Jimin reluctantly kicked off his shoes and climbed into the bed. He could never say no to Namjoon, and that had only become more apparent with his added level of guilt.

The pair instantly fell into their preferred sleeping position of Jimin’s head resting against Namjoon’s pecs and the elders hand nestled into his hair.

“We need to get more food inside of you, your chest is not as comfy as before.” Namjoon only hummed in response, huffing out a breathy laugh.

A hand started to card through his hair some time later and Jimin felt his eyes slide shut slowly. His arms wrapping tightly around Namjoon’s waist.

“I missed this.” Jimin snuggled down slightly, his body turning to putty under Namjoon’s feather light touch.

“Have you been sleeping?” Namjoon asks quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. The beepings of the machines in the background barely even noticeable anymore.

Chapter 4 Summary:

Jimin still carries the guilt of that night with him, but life has a funny way of moving in.
Snapshots into their life post hospital, enjoy the fluff and tears.

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Jimin turned the doorknob to their apartment silently, he glanced back at Namjoon to check he was okay once more.

“Are you okay?” Jimin asked quietly, biting his lip in trepidation.

“No.” Namjoon answers honestly. “What if it all comes flooding back? What if I just stand there and become a mess because I remember what happened.” He bites his lip, staring at the door in front of them.

“Then I’ll be here to put you back together again.” Jimin reaches forward, door forgotten and places his hands softly on the elders cheeks. “I’ll always put you back together.”

Namjoon nods, his eyes closing, leaning into the skin of his palm.

“Please tell me there’s not a surprise party about to go off in there because I really just need some time with my boyfriend.”

“There is not, they were warned off under the threat of death and my anger.”

“I dunno which is worse.” Namjoon smiles as he feels Jimin tap his cheek lightly in reprimand.

“My anger doesn’t get that bad.”

Namjoon scoffs, but only continues to stare at him fondly. “Okay, well… maybe it does, but… I’m working on it.”

Namjoon’s arms wrap around his waist and he’s pulled flush against the taller man. “You’ve been working on it since I met you.” He grins and places a kiss against the corner of his mouth. “I love you, flaws and all.”

“I love you too.” Jimin whispers. “I can’t however guarantee that we won’t get an influx of guests at some point tonight.”

“As long as you stay with me.”

“I promise.”

Jimin turns quietly in the arms still wrapped around him and opens the door, the creaking sound that came with the movement making the whole thing a lot more ominous than he’d like.

Namjoon keeps his arms firmly wrapped around his middle as he walks them through the door, his chin resting on his shoulder.

“Anything?” Jimin whispers as he looks out across the lounge. Unchanged from the last time he was here, the pile of clothes still sat quietly on the coffee table - The only difference being the lack of letters underneath their feet.

Namjoon shakes his head as his eyes skirt around the apartment. “Last memory I have was going to the studio at some point. I couldn’t even tell you what day. I remember it was drizzling outside, but no rain. You were eating something, fruit? At the table. I kissed your forehead and you gave me an annoyed look.” He sighed before squeezing Jimin to him. “I’m going to try to be here more.”

“Well you aren’t going anywhere without me for the next few weeks, so there’s no point in even trying to go to the studio. I won’t let you get any work done.” Jimin smiles, patting his cheek where his chin still rests on his shoulder.

Namjoon places a kiss against his cheek with a loud smacking sound to it. The sound vibrating through Jimin.

“I really did miss you, when I was… you know.”

“I missed you too.”

Namjoon turns Jimin in his arms, placing their noses together and rubbing them against each other. They both giggle quietly and Jimin finds his hands wrapping around his neck, his hands delving into the swiftly growing out hair, careful not to hit any of the scars with his nails.

Namjoon brings his head down to bury it into his neck, making muffled but content sounds as he breathes in deeply.

Jimin was just about to suggest a swift shower then a warm and cozy cuddling session in their bed when the intercom buzzes.

“They didn’t even give us an hour.” Namjoon grumbles and half whines into his shoulder.

“I don’t even know why I expected them to.” Jimin pulls Namjoon’s head back placing a swift and hard kiss against his lips.

“Go shower, you smell of hospital. I’ll sort these guys out.”

“Promise you won’t shout surprise at me and jump out with the lights off.”

“You know we’re here, what kind of surprise…” Jimin trails off as Joon shrugs.

“You never know.” Joon kisses his lips twice before walking away to the bathroom.

“We should turn all the lights off and hide.” Jungkook bounced on his feet happily as he watched Jin and Taehyung hang the welcome home banner across the large archway into their kitchen.

“He is literally in the next room.” Yoongi reminds him as he pulls together the large meat platter they had brought with them, no seafood, thankfully.

“Did we ruin your welcome home?” Hobi mumbles quietly to Jimin as they both place random balloons across the room.

“I had a feeling you’d do this, even though I begged Jin not to.” Jimin rolls his eyes fondly.

“We’re just excited.”

“I know. My only plans were a food delivery and snuggling so I’m a little bit annoyed I didn’t get to snuggle - but smug I didn’t have to pay for dinner.” He winks.

“Joon is literally a millionaire.” Hobi levels him with a flat look, mirth dancing behind his eyes.

“But free food.” Jimin shrugs.

“We’re so cheap.” He snorts to himself as they switch on some light music.

“We really are. Joon could buy me half a Chanel store tomorrow and I’d still fight you for that ¥5 off McDonald voucher.”

“There’s a voucher?! Where?!” Hobi’s head pricks up like a meerkat as he looks across the room, switching from side to side.

Jimin’s about to throw himself forward to save his voucher when the door to the bedroom opens.

“WELCOME HOME!” They all shout in unison, Hoseok doing a strange happy dance, which Yoongi joins in with as they laugh.

“Joonie! I wanted to do a surprise thing but no one would join me.” Jungkook whines as he strops over to Namjoon, burying himself in the open arms.

“It’s okay. You can surprise me later.” Namjoon ruffles his hair fondly, smiling up at the banner. “Guy’s you really didn’t have to do this.”

“We wanted to. You’re our baby.” Jin walks over and wraps his arms around Namjoon and Jungkook. “Well I guess this one is our baby, but you’re our other one.” He kisses the youngers forehead softly. “Please don’t scare me like that again, I’m too young to have grey hairs.”

“You’re older than all of us.” Jungkook reminds him, breaking himself off with a yelp as Jin hits the back of his head.

“No need to remind him, kid.” Yoongi shakes his head, patting Jin on the shoulder sympathetically.

“I give and I give…” Jin mumbles to Yoongi, half serious and half fond, before cutting himself off as a pair of arms wrap around his waist from behind. Jimin almost snorts as Jin becomes putty in their youngest hands, his arms reaching out to pull him to him as he coos.

Taehyung walks over next, Yeontan swift on his heel and happily looking up toward Joon. “You scared me.”

“I know.”

“Promise me we’ll go on one of our museum dates soon? Hobi took me last time.” He mocks a pained face.

“That must’ve been awful.” Joon smiles slightly, bending down slowly to pet Yeontan’s head.

“It really was.” He makes a fond look of disgust. “Uncultured swine, truly.”

“We’ll go to the aquarium too.” Taehyung nods happily.

“Are you seriously planning dates with my boyfriend already?” Jimin laughs.

“Should’ve moved quicker, this one's ours now.” Taehyung winks, his arm wrapping around Namjoon and holding out for Hobi the other side.

Joon makes a oomph sound as Hoseok crashes into his side, grinning as he’s squished delicately between them.

“Screw you all, I’ve got myself two famous boyfriends.” Hobi screams into the room, laughing brightly.

Jin grabs hold of Yoongi, pulling him to him. “Stay back, this one's mine.”

Hoseok mock pouts, before grinning as bright as sunshine, burying himself into their three way hug.

Namjoon detaches himself after a moment, wrapping his arms around a pouty and slightly jealous Jimin. “Sorry guys, I’m going to have to turn you down.”

“No fun.” Hobi remarks before throwing himself onto the couch bringing a snuggly Taehyung with him, Yeontan curling up around his feet.

“Not leaving me for Taeseok?” Jimin looks up towards him, a small satisfied smile on his face, but a pouty look behind the eyes.

“Never.” Namjoon whispers, his lips connecting with Jimin’s forehead.

“On that note, food. ” Jin announces.

✰

Namjoon had been home a week already and Jimin could hardly believe it, no memories have yet to come back to him, and Jimin was beginning to secretly hope they never would. Namjoon didn’t need the stress of the tarnished memories, he only wanted them both to make new ones, happier ones.

Like this one.

Namjoon’s head was placed delicately in his lap as he ran his fingers through his hair. Jimin held his tablet in his hands as he scrolled through different posts on social media. Namjoon’s eyes fluttering closed as he listens to Jimin’s voice.

“I miss Joon... I miss Joon… OH! An I miss Nam joon. I miss you oppa.”

Namjoon’s smile was shining across his face as he held in his giggles.

“I hope Joon’s okay. Can someone tell Joon we love him please? I hope Joon is looking at crab videos.”

Namjoon broke and let out a loud ‘haha’ at that comment, his body jostling against Jimin’s thigh.

Jimin brushed his knuckles softly down his cheekbones before they landed against his neck, softly travelling downward until his hand was nestled under the fabric of his sweater, his thumb rubbing circles into his skin.

“I miss Joon, again. Lots of people @‘ing Yoongi and Tae to express their concern for you.”

Namjoon tutted, his features fond as he thought of his fans. He brought his hand upward into the air and rested it softly against Jimin’s cheek. Jimin diverted his attention from the screen to look at his boyfriend.

“Are you okay? Do you want a pillow?”

Namjoon shook his head lightly, smiling before letting his cheek go. Jimin leaned forward and placed a kiss against his forehead before going back to his phone.

“There’s some fears you may never get back into music again. Some rumours about me.” Jimin rolled his eyes as he read an in depth post about his body language during Namjoon’s impromptu press conference as he left the hospital.

Namjoon tuts, “why can’t they just leave you out of it?”

“Because people love drama.”

Namjoon only hums, his head shaking softly.

They sit quietly for a moment, Jimin flicking through a few more posts as he tries to get a larger gauge on what the general public are thinking and feeling.

After some time he breaks the silence, his mind coming up with the one question that’s been plaguing him recently.

“Do you want to take a break from music?” Jimin questions quietly. “It’s not even coming from a ‘you need to spend more time with me if you do’ place, I am just asking.”

Namjoon shrugged. “I want to take some form of extended break, that’s for sure, spend some time with you, get bored, get in your way, be annoying, that kind of thing.” He smiles fondly. “Eventually I want to go back yes, but in the same way? I don’t know. I can’t handle being on a stage right now.” He bit his lip, a far away look in his eyes. “The thought is… it’s too much, all those eyes.”

“I’ll be with you, if you want to. I’ll go to every show and I’ll go to every sound check.”

“That’s impractical.” Namjoon smiles fondly. “You have a job.”

“Which you’re more important than, especially right now.”

“No. I don’t want to drag you away from your life. Besides, I’ve been thinking, I want to produce more, step away from the stage, and give myself more of a break, more time here, with you.”

“Namjoon. You don’t have to say that just because of what happened. I can see I was behaving like a child. Staying with Jin and Yoongi.. I…”

Namjoon looks at him quietly waiting for him to continue, his hand coming to rest against the one under his sweater.“Yoongi… Yoongi hyung makes you look like an angel. He strolls in at 6am, but at least I always had you by 4am.” Jimin laughs slightly, shaking his head. “We.. we both know I’m needy.”

Namjoon snorts and Jimin hits him lightly, smiling fondly. “Okay no need to rub it in.”

“We both know I’m needy and I’m going to, work on that. I think. Maybe.” He continues as Joon raises an eyebrow at him.

“You’re so cute, but you have no power in you to not be needy. It’s how you operate.”

“Is not.” Jimin grumbles, smiling slightly.

“It is. And I’m a sucker for it and you know it.” Namjoon smiles up at him.

The younger smiles softly, not answering as he looks back towards his phone.

“I miss Joon. I hope Joon’s sleeping well.”

Jimin continues to read message after message, until he notices the other man’s eyes start to drift close.

“I know I’m needy, I’m sorry I put you through this, but I…”

“You always come first Jimin.” Namjoon cuts him off. “Always.” He whispers as he squeezes his hand, sliding into sleep.

✰

Jimin’s eyes open to darkness, his arm searching the side of the bed that usually holds another sleeping figure. His hands close around empty sheets as he pats around blindly.

“Joon?” He questions into the darkness, his eyes squinting as they try to adjust.

No response as he sits himself up. “Joon?” He calls towards their en-suite to no avail.

He sighs, slipping out of the bed and pulling his long robe around him. He snuggles into the warmth as he slips into the ridiculously expensive slippers Tae bought him for Christmas one year.

“Joonie?” He tries once more as he exits into the dark of the living room.

He finds the elder sat quietly on the couch, a small light emitting from his phone on the side.

“Baby?” Jimin questions, walking quietly over and crouching down beside him, his hand enclosing around Namjoon’s.

Namjoon jumpsatthat moment, almost as if he’s coming out of trance, blinking owlishly towards the younger man.

“Hi.” Jimin smiles softly. “You okay?” He reaches up to push some of the hair back away from the elders face, his knuckles brushing across his cheekbone.

“I don’t know why it won’t come back.” Namjoon murmurs quietly, staring into the space in front of him.

“What won’t?” Jimin leans his head forward against the elders hand, asking the question as if he wasn’t well aware of the answer.

“That night.” He sighs.

“Maybe it’s for the best…” Jimin trails off as two eyes flick to his. “Joon, I-I wish I didn’t remember it, I don’t want to force those memories on you.”

“At least you can though, I can’t remember anything, I don’t even know if we argued before I left for work that morning, what I was wearing, what you were wearing, was I in glasses or did I have my contact lenses in? How did I feel? What emotions went through my mind? What did I say?” He bites his lip as he stares into the distance.

“You don’t want to remember it Joon.” The younger speaks firmly.

“I want to.” Namjoon bites his lip.

“No. No you don’t.”

“Jimin.” Namjoon turns his head sharply to look towards him. “Don’t talk to me like that when you can remember every detail and the last thing I remember was going to work on some random Tuesday that doesn't even matter to the world, or myworld.”

“I’m just trying to save you the pain Joon.”

“Yeah well, maybe I don’t want you to.”

“Yeah well, maybe it’s my job as your partner to protect you from certain things.” Jimin parrots back to him equally as sarcastic.

Namjoon sighs and throws himself back into the seat.

Jimin pulls himself upwards and places himself next to Namjoon, only to feel two arms wrap around him and pull him directly into his lap.

“Don’t argue with me.” Joon mumbles into his shoulder where his head lays.

“I don’t want to Joon. Trust me, but you don’t want to remember it. Please don’t try to - it will only cause you pain.”

“But that pain is something that’s mine, I deserve to remember it, I deserve to feel it.”

“But what if I don’t want you to?”

“That’s not your decision to make.” Namjoon whispers. “You took that away when you broke up with me.” Jimin can feel the sad smile against his shoulder.

“You were crushed Joon.” Jimin whispers into the air around them. “Completely crushed, and I caused it.”

“But what did you say? What did I say? What happened?”

Jimin’s eyes fall closed as he feels the telltale signs of tears hit his cheeks. “Please don’t make me relive it Joon.” He whispered.

“Jimin, you owe me this.”

He sighs and puts his hand up to his head, pushing hard against his forehead signalling his stress.

“I don’t want to Joon.”

“I didn’t want to find out my boyfriend broke up with me, but I did.”

“That's a low blow.” Jimin sighs.

Namjoon only shrugs in response, his arms tightening around him in a silent apology that his mouth couldn’t form.

“Please don’t make me do this Joon.”

“I don’t want you to, but I can barely sleep since I got here, it’s plaguing me, I don’t know how else to…” He sighs trailing off.

Jimin takes a deep breath as he steels himself for the conversation, his body going rigid in Namjoon’s arms.

“It was raining, you came home at a time that I can’t even remember now but it was far too late to be healthy…”

Jimin speaks for the next hour, his tears coming thick and fast, he can feel the shoulder of his robe becoming damp as Joon's start to feel freely to. The pair of them cling to one another as they talk, their body’s shaking in grief and pain.

“I caused you so much pain. I’m so sorry Namjoon.” Jimin whispers into the air around them, his back hunched and his head downward.

Namjoon doesn’t speak, but pulls him closer towards him, his frame shaking in both shed and unshed tears.

“I wish I could… I wish I could invent a time machine that could undo everything. I wish I could scream at my past self. I wish I could do something, anything to change what I did.”

“You can’t Jimin.” Namjoon speaks softly.

“I wish you would forgive me.”

Namjoon doesn’t answer, his body a quiet reminder of the betrayal Jimin has to accept.

“I wish I could forgive myself.” He adds into the stillness of the air.

“We should go to bed.” Namjoon murmurs quietly.

“Will you ever be able forgive me?” Jimin asks, his voice so small and broken.

“You know I will.”

“Soon?”

Namjoon doesn’t answer, only helps him up into a standing position.

“Thank you for telling me.” He whispers quietly when they’re both standing, his head placed against Jimin’s hair.

“I hope you never remember.” Jimin answers honestly, his arms wrapped around the elders back.

“I know.” He kisses his crown before leading them back towards the bedroom.

They cling to each other for the rest of the night and into the light of dawn. Namjoon shaking with silent sobs as he mourns memories he may never have. Jimin wracked with his own remorse, his only shining beacon being the sobbing man in his arms.

They had each other, that was all that mattered to Jimin.

✰

Jimin’s feet rest against Namjoon’s lap where they were currently receiving a surprisingly soft foot massage. Jimin was used to a more forceful pressure from his forgets-how-strong-he-actually-is boyfriend.

“Pomeranian?” Namjoon suggests, his head barely moving from where his eyes are focused on the television.

“Tae would accuse us of copying him and I refuse to deal with that for the rest of my life.” He rolled his eyes as he scans through the different dogs available on the shelter website.

“Labrador?” Namjoon looks excited for a moment, his head turning to face the younger.

“It would knock me over each time it jumps up.”

Namjoon humpf’s, looking back towards the English show he was watching. Jimin had given up trying to understand what was happening twenty minutes ago, which lead them to their current predicament.

“Poodle?”

“Nooo. Not after that one my aunt had when I was a kid.” Jimin shivers at the thought, Namjoon patting his leg lightly in sympathy.

“Pug?”

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Jimin scrolls some more, not really looking up from his screen.

Namjoon tilts his head thinking, before giving up, his eyes shifting back to the colours in front of him. Jimin continues to flick through the site quietly without much conversation between the two.

Sometime passes and Namjoon suddenly breaks the silence, his words a reminder that their world just simply isn’t the same as before.

“I want to get a night light.”

Jimin’s eyes slide up as he looks to him in confusion, Namjoon’s cheeks taking on a pink tinge to them.

“Please don’t make a big deal out of it, I’m embarrassed enough as it is. I just… it just… I’m scared of the darkness, I-I feel like I’m not going to wake up. It’s....” He sentence trails away as he bites his lip instead, his eyes cast down toward the ground. His words came out barely above a whisper by the end.

The only sound is the television in the room as Jimin taps something into the computer.

“It’s coming tomorrow.”

Namjoon smiles, squeezing his feet where they lay in his hands. “Thank you.” He whispers.

“There’s a husky.” Jimin comments going back to his original conversation from all that time ago, trying his best to show Namjoon its perfectly okay.

Namjoon looks towards him gratefully, a small nod of his head in a silent acknowledgement.

“If a Labrador will knock you over a husky will trample you.” Namjoon laughs after a moment.

“Still. They’re cute.” Jimin coos as he looks at some more pictures. His fingers stroking the picture as if he could somehow transfer a pet and a hug to the doggy on the screen.

Namjoon moves his head to watch him fondly as he scrolled through some more puppies, mentioning breeds every now and then before he started to tire, his eyes growing weary from the screen.

“Finding a dog is hard.” Jimin grumbles as he places his laptop on the side, his feet stretching out in Namjoon’s lap.

He only receives a hum of acknowledgement, Namjoon lifting his leg in order to kiss his ankle before letting it drop down again. “You’re cute, you know that?” He smiles lovingly at the other man, his eyes full of wonder.

“What brought that on?”

“Just felt like saying it.” He shrugs.

Jimin snorts at that, picking himself up until his kneeling next to the taller man. He places a loud kiss against the others cheek before nuzzling his nose against his hair.

“I guess I am cute.” He winks. “I’m also starving.” He mumbles, raising from his chair and walking into the kitchen through the archway behind them.

He opened and closed a few cupboards as he debated on what to make for dinner. His stomach not really craving anything he could see.

It wasn’t long before he felt a shadow behind him, two pairs of arms wrapping around his stomach, and a strong body lined up against his back. “Hey.” Namjoon whisperer against his ear as he nuzzled in against his neck.

“Hi.” He smiled. In a way it was hard to believe Namjoon had already been home four weeks, each moment felt like heaven, each second something Jimin wanted to cherish.

“I missed you.”

“I literally just got up from sitting next to you.” He giggled. His hand dropping to lay on top of Joon’s.

“And?” He kissed his cheek and hummed contently. “Besides, I knew you’d need help reaching to the top of the cupboard.” He nuzzled his nose against the cheek he had just kissed.

Jimin hit his hand hard at that, his mouth dropped open in pretend shock. Namjoon only giggled and spun him around in his arms, laughing harder when he caught a glimpse of Jimin’s face.

Jimin watched as the elder dipped his head, placing his lips lightly against the tip of his nose, giggles still vibrating through him. Jimin wanted to drown himself in it, this was the first time in months he’d seen Namjoon look so care free. He wasn't sure what brought it on, maybe his small admission about the darkness or maybe just him finding himself more comfortable being home. Either way Jimin found himself not caring at all.

“Jimin...”

The younger of the pair hummed in acknowledgement, his hands sliding up his biceps, wrapping around the back of his neck.

Namjoon didn’t continue his train of thought, he only brought his lips down from where they rested just above his nose, meeting Jimin’s in a soft and slow dance as they melted into each other.

It was their first real, time stopping kiss in months. Jimin felt the electricity in the air as they kissed. His brain short circuiting as their lips moved together in such a familiar, but new, way. He sighed into the kiss and Joon used it as his opportunity to slide his tongue against Jimin’s.

Jimin felt as if he were on fire, his hands sliding up into Joon’s hair gingerly, careful to avoid the still healing scars of his surgery. Namjoon crowded him in, his back against the kitchen work surface as their bodies moved with one another. They were completely aligned in the way only they fit together, like puzzle pieces.

Jimin moaned into the kiss, his hands clutching Joon closer. He almost squealed when Joon picked him up and placed him on the counter, his legs wrapping around Joon’s waist instantly, bringing him closer.

The elder ripped his lips away and continued to kiss down Jimin’s neck, licking and biting at the pristine skin as he moved down. Jimin body was wrecked with shivers, his mind in outer space as he felt Joon’s lips and tongue exploring him for the first time in weeks.

”Do it.” He whimpered around a gasp as Joon started to suck at one particular spot a little harder, he wanted to be marked, he wanted to belong to Joon again, he wanted-

That’s when the intercom buzzed and they jumped. Joons lips leaving his neck, Jimin looked into his eyes, they were still clouded with lust.

“Ignore it.” Joon mumbled, his lips following the path back to Jimin’s.

They dived back in, the elders arms clutching Jimin tighter as the intercom buzzed once more. They both ignored it this time barely even breaking their kiss as their mouths moved with one another.

Joon’s lips we’re back on his neck when the buzzing happened again and they both pulled back with an exaggerated groan.

“We could just mute it.” Jimin said, breathing heavily as his senses came back to him.

Namjoon smiled and kissed his lips once before shaking his head, backing away with clarity to his eyes. Jimin knew he’d lost it, his first chance to be close and intimate with Joon in weeks and it was ruined by an incessant noise.

“HYUNG!” Exploded out of the intercom as Namjoon pressed the button.

Or an incessant Taehyung .

“Took you long enough.” Jimin can practically see the dramatic sigh that travels through the speaker. “Hoseokie and I have pizza.”

Namjoon looked back at Jimin with disappointment as he buzzed them through into the foyer. He opened his arms and Jimin practically ran into them,stumbling backwards before catching them both. “Baby.” He mumbled into his hair kissing it.

“I’m sulking.”

“I know you are.” He giggled and pulled him back, peppering kisses all over his cheeks and forehead, landing his last one directly on his mouth. He bopped their noses together as the knock on the door sounded.

“I hate them.”

“I know, but they have pizza.” He grinned and placed a long and slow kiss on his forehead.

✰

“Kim Namjoon, you are meant to be resting.” Jimin admonishes as he walks into their kitchen, the room a mess of flour and egg shells, and he cringes slightly at the thought of cleaning up.

Namjoon had never been... the best … at clearing away. Jimin learnt years ago that his version of cleaning either meant waiting for their housekeeper to do it when she arrived for her bi-daily visit or pretending he didn’t know what half the products were until Jimin takes over.

For a man with a 148 IQ he really expected Jimin to believe he didn’t know the difference between surface and oven cleaner.

“I thought I’d make us breakfast in bed.”

He turns to him with flour smeared across his face, a line of batter dripping down his cheek.

“Did you just stick your face in the batter?” Jimin giggles, coming up beside him and wiping the batter away with his thumb.

“I wanted to try some.” Namjoon pouts.

The younger tsks, as he wipes away the batter onto a kitchen towel. “You know that's not healthy.”

Namjoon shrugs, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he reads the instructions for what looks like the millionth time, the packet covered in smeared batter and flour.

Jimin giggles as takes over the bowl from Namjoon, stirring the batter. “Here, let me help you.”

“No, go back to bed and wait for me, I’ll bring you some freshly cooked pancakes in a minute.” He pouts once more as he tries to force the bowl from Jimin’s hands.

“Namjoon, how do you turn the hob on?” Jimin raises an eyebrow at him, eyeing the oven silently.

“I-,” Namjoon looks at the contraption as if it’s the first time he’s ever seen it. “You, erm, you turn the dial, thing, and then, you know, it gets hot.”

Jimin nods, as if he’s telling a fascinating story. “And, also, baby, where are the frying pans?”

Jimin looks around the kitchen aimlessly, glancing at different cupboards, acting thoroughly confused. Namjoon stares at each of them in turn as if they were foreign to him.

He stands a bit more defensive after a moment. “Well I found the mixing bowl didn’t I? I could find the frying pans.”

“You salvaged this from the dishwasher and we both know it.” Jimin snickered fondly at the growing red spreading across Namjoon’s cheeks.

“Oh, and one last question baby, you know your meant to put the flour in the bowl, right? And not on every surface within eye line.” He motions to the worktops covered in flour, white speckles lining the wall and caked into the tiling.

Namjoon’s eyes follow his hands, his face turning into a grimace, before breaking out into a cheeky smile. “What’s the rule, the one who cooks doesn’t have to clean up.”

“You can’t call this cooking, you don’t even know where the frying pan is.” Jimin laughs.

He watches as Namjoon’s hand dips into the bowl, a smile etched onto his face as he brings the batter to his lips. “It’s food, it’s sustenance, I can eat it, ergo - you need to clean up.”

Jimin was about to scream at him to not eat the uncooked batter when the same fingers smears batter across his cheek. He all but stares at the taller one in shock as he giggles smugly.

“Please tell me you did not just do that.”

“And what if I did?”

Jimin barely wastes another second before he dips his own fingers into the bowl and smears it across Namjoon’s nose, out across until he gets to his dimples. He digs his finger in slightly until he feels it appear under his fingers, a smile growing across the other man’s features.

“Are we actually going to do this?” Namjoon raises an eyebrow at him, moving backwards slightly, grabbing a bag of sugar as he goes.

“I have no idea what you mean.” Jimin brings the bowl closer to his chest, moving the flour to within a seconds reach.

With that it devolves into chaos, Namjoon’s packet of sugar falling up into the air and covering them both as Jimin launches a hand full of batter towards him, smearing it across his neck and down onto the old band t shirt he wears to bed.

Jimin ducks as Namjoon grabs at the Nutella he has to the side of him, the hand narrowly missing his face but smearing chocolate across his hair and down the back of his robe.

“This robe is ridiculously expensive.” Jimin reminds him, motioning down to fluffy material wrapping him up in a hug.

“Oh.” Namjoon looks thoughtful for a moment before throwing more chocolate sauce across the material. “Oops.” He fake cringes through his laughter.

Jimin launches himself at the elder, batter smeared across his face and through his hair. Mixing with the chocolate Joon had somehow managed to get onto his face.

They were both screaming with laughter as the kitchen became more and more of a disaster around them. Dust from the flour and smears of chocolate stained the walls as they both attacked one another with anything they could get their hands on. Fruit was flung in the direction of the opposing side, Jimin swearing he must have been hit with a spoon at one point when he felt a distinct thunk against his head.

He didn’t care, not as Namjoon picked him from behind, spinning him around as the flour dust fallsagainst his skin and hair, the sugar smearing across his lips as he couldn’t do anything other than dip his tongue out to taste the sweetness.

He doesn’t know when he wound up facing Joon, his hands poised with a large smear of chocolate across his fingers, about to go in with a large swipe against his cheek. He closed his eyes in anticipation, giggles running through him as he struggled to get away.

Except the smear didn’t come, instead he felt the lightest of finger tips against his lips, a chocolatey smell gracing his senses before he felt Namjoon’s lips fall against his.

He instantly raised himself onto his tip toes, his arms wrapping around Namjoon’s neck as he pulled him to him. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, there was no roaming hands, just their two bodies falling back into rhythm with one another once more.

Namjoon tasted of chocolate and sugar as they kissed. The room filled with a sweet scent making the whole thing feel like a dream.

Namjoon broke them apart as air become a necessity, his forehead resting against Jimin’s, his eyes closed as he took into the remaining moments of calm.

“The housekeeper is going to kill us.”

Jimin smiled peaceful, his hands trailing to run up and down the length of Namjoon’s biceps. “She is.”

“Worth it.” Namjoon smiles, his arms sliding down Jimin until they were under his thighs.

Jimin was about to ask what was happening when he was lifted upwards against Namjoon’s chest, he screams in pure shock his arms wrapping back up and around his shoulders for stability.

“Namjoon!” He half screams, half scolds. “You’re meant to be resting, not lifting things.”

“We need to shower.” Namjoon ignores him as he walks them forward, Jimin giving up and wrapping his legs around his waist, trying as best he can to make himself as light as possible.

“I’m pretty sure this counts as heavy lifting. You have surgery scars Namjoon.”

“You are as light as a feather, please.” He sets himself down on his feet as he enters the bathroom, switching the shower on and undressing simultaneously.

They hadn’t really been naked together since prior to the accident, and Jimin couldn’t even remember when that was. Sure they’d seen each other in various states of undress, naked on occasion, but that was usually as they both moved around each other, pulling on different clothes or changing.

Jimin hesitated at one point, the robe discarded on the floor as he held his fingertips at waist of his pyjama bottoms.

Namjoon turns to him at that moment, with love in his eyes. “You are joining me, right?”

Jimin nods instantly, following Namjoon into the shower and wrapping one arm around his waist as his head fits into the crook of his shoulder, the water cascading down on his hair and washing the last bits of food away.

Jimin trails his finger along the scar travelling down his chest, he can feel the regret blooming in his chest as he looks at the skin. The tear in his heart which is always going to be there as much as he tries to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist, making itself present again.

“I don’t blame you.” Namjoon mumbles just loud enough to hear over the water spray.

“I do.”

“You wouldn’t ever hurt me. I know that.”

“I fled the hospital, that night.” Jimin starts, his body drawing in closer to Namjoon as the warm spray runs across his shoulder blades and down his back. “I ran outside, I just couldn’t take anyone's sympathy anymore, not when I didn’t deserve it.”

“Where did you go?”

“There was a courtyard, somewhere outside, I couldn’t even find it now if you paid me.” He laughed lightly. “I just sat there, I let the rain pelt on me.” He hears a tsking sound above him and he know’s Namjoon wants to warn him that he could have gotten sick. “Yoongi came to find me. Tried to get me to go back in, but I just, I couldn’t.”

He tilts his head back to look up at the elder man. “I had given up Joon, I thought you were going to die, and I just, I couldn’t do it anymore, I couldn’t function.”

He buries himself away once more into the arms that surround him. “Yoongi told me I was being a defeatist and he was right, he really was.” Jimin sighs as tears start to drip from his eyes, mixing in with the water cascading against them.

“Then Taehyung came to get me, the doctor wanted us, and I thought that was it. This doctor was calling me in to tell me you were dead. The love of my life dead, my whole other half just… gone.” He sighs, bringing his hand up to place against Namjoon’s heart, almost as if to prove to himself he was still there, he was still breathing, his heart was still beating.

“When they said you were in a coma, I just… I went numb. My body barely functioned beyond the fact that I had to get into that room as fast as possible, because I knew, I knew , you wouldn’t wake up without me.”

“The first time I saw you, my… my whole life just shattered, everything crashed down, because there you were, this big, the biggest , presence in my life. The man who made me, me. Laying there, motionless, stuck in this world that was nothing but pain and darkness, and I don’t know if it was painful, but that’s what it felt like to me each time I looked at you.”

Namjoon kept quiet, his fingers running through his hair as he spoke, no doubt in an attempt to be both calming and to clear the remaining bits of food from the strands. “Then Yoongi told me you had died, and… The thought of you not being on this planet with me for more than a second was too much to bare. We have our whole lives Namjoon, this wasn’t meant to be us, cut short because of some stupid break up that I never should have initiated and a terrible driver that never should have been on the road in the first place.”

“Then the guilt, the guilt was the worst thing I have ever felt in my entire life, and still continue to feel in some way. Stop, please, I don’t want sympathy please don’t do that.” Jimin pulled away from where the kiss was placed against his hair. “I felt like someone had ripped my soul out and stuck it into a blender, my stomach twisted each time I saw you, my lungs burned with unshed wails and sobs, and my eyes itched to cry constantly.”

“And then you woke up.”

He grins beside himself, his arms squeezing Namjoon closer to him.

“ You woke up. ”

He shakes his head smiling again.

“You woke up and I had never felt so euphoric, every inch of me sang, but then the dreaded fear slammed back in. I had no idea if you would remember me -,”

“I would never forget you.” Namjoon interrupted.

“That’s what everyone continually told me, but it’s not as if you could delete your memories by choice, I had to face the possibility. As soon as the doctors left I rushed over to you, and you probably don’t even remember it, but you tried to squeeze my hand, it was the lightest of feelings, so soft and fleeting. I wouldn’t have noticed it under any other circ*mstance.” He smiled softly. “... But you looked so intent on letting me know you were there, you were still there.”

He closed his eyes.

“In that moment I knew you were still my Joonie.”

Jimin stepped back to look up at him.

“That’s why I couldn’t tell you I bro…” Jimin refused to finished the word as he continued. “I couldn’t risk losing my Joonie after I’d already lost him. I lost you twice in one night. I couldn’t, I refused to lose you a third.”

Jimin’s shoulders hunched over and he began to cry, his frame shaking. Namjoon wrapped him up in his arms, squashing him into his chest.

“I forgive you, you know I’ve forgiven you, right?” Namjoon whispered to him, barely audible about the sound of the shower.

“I haven’t forgiven myself yet Joonie.” He smiled sadly upwards, shaking his head. “I never want to forgive myself. I want to remember what I did. I need to. The pain is a part of me.”

“I don’t want you to be in pain Jimin. I don’t want that for you.”

“I need to feel it Joon. I need to feel it because it’s the only thing that makes me feel like the universe has balanced somehow. That the pain you suffer is within me, and somehow it shares the cosmic load.”

Jimin watched as Namjoon bit his lip, holding back some logical answer he wanted to give. Jimin was grateful.

Namjoon washed and dried the both of them as Jimin quietly kept to himself, the thoughts and feelings still swirling around his soul and heart. Namjoon dried his hair, giggling as he made it stand on end.

He eventually lead them both into the bedroom, pulling Jimin back down underneath the covers with him as they lay naked with one another.

The two of them running their hands across each other as they become re-acquainted with each others bodies. Jimin traced the lines of the scars as Namjoon prodded his fingers at Jimin’s thighs, the two of them wrapped up in each others arms within moments.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Joon whispered after a long time of silence, nothing but moving hands and occasional soft kisses sounding between them.

“I’m not going anywhere either.” Jimin whispers, his little finger finding Namjoon’s under the covers and interlocking with it.

✰

Three whole weeks later Jimin laid in bed as he watched Namjoon gingerly slide in beside him, his face creasing in pain for a second before he got comfortable.

“Are you okay?” He whispered softly, spinning in the bed until he was laying on his side, his hand reached out to grasp Namjoon’s.

“It just hurts a little sometimes, like I ache all over.” Jimin hummed, and slid across the bed until his head was resting lightly against his chest.

“I wish I could make it go away.”

“You do.” Namjoon puts his arms around him, pulling him in close.

After an hour of them lying in silence, the darkness of the night engulfing them. Namjoon’s voice cuts through their bubble of peace.

“The light helps.”

“Hm?”

“The night light, it comforts me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be in darkness again. I’m too afraid of not waking up.”

“Then we’ll keep the night light forever.”

He snorts, shaking his head lightly as if he’s having a private conversation.

“Baby?” Jimin looks up towards him in the darkness, seeing the edge of his chin.

“I can’t be a thirty year old man with a night light, we’ll have to get rid of it eventually.”

Jimin sits up at that, leaning upward until his face is in view. “Namjoon. This is our room, this is our home, this is our personal life, no one has any idea what goes on in here.” He places his hand lightly on his cheek, and leans down to peck his lips once. “if my ninety year old boyfriend wants a night light he’s going to have a night light.”

“Thank you.” He whispered into the darkness.

“Thank you.” He kissed his shoulder before snuggling in against his neck, his leg softly draping across Namjoon.

“For?” Namjoon says after a few moments, turning his head to kiss the top of Jimin’s,

“For allowing me to be there for you, for forgiving me when you didn’t have to, for loving me even after I put you through all this, and for trusting me again even though I’m not sure I deserve it.”

“Jimin… I promise to do better. I know I neglected you, I’m sorry for that, I wish I could take it back. I wish I could do things differently, I wish I never would have forced us to get to that point.” He sighed, his fingers coming up to tangle in Jimin’s hair.

“I overreacted.” Jimin sighed. “I’m still so sorry, Namjoon.”

His head was dislodged from Namjoon’s shoulder and he whined in protest his leg being shoved away. He was about to complain when he was met with Namjoon’s eyes - the two of them now laying face to face. Namjoon’s hand came out to rest upon his cheek and he leaned into it instantly, his eyes fluttering shut for a second as he enjoyed the feeling.

“Jiminie, you are within your rights to leave me. If you aren’t getting what you want out of a relationship, be it with me or anyone else in your life, you are entitled to leave that situation. That’s not to say I ever want you to leave, God, I never want that, but I love you Jimin and I only want to see you happy and succeeding in life.”

“I overreacted.”

“Jimin, I neglected you.” He shook his head at Jimin’s small sound of protest. “I worked too late at the studio, I didn’t tell you what I was working on, I ditched dates. I wasn’t the best boyfriend, I can see that now.”

“You were writing an album for me Joon, I’m pretty sure that puts you in the best boyfriend category.”

“An album that should have never come before the person I was writing it for.” He sighed.

Jimin bit his lip and nodded solemnly, he wanted to argue, but knew it would only be pointless.

“I promise to always put you first, I’m sorry it took this for me to say that.”

“You’ve always put me first Joon, that’s what…” he pauses. “I was thinking, about the first time we kissed while you were…” he sighs. “You really just introduced me to everyone without a second thought. As much as I don’t see you that way you are a celebrity. And celebs, they don’t do that, Joon. Idols don’t do that.”

“We weren’t together then, I didn’t introduce my boyfriend.” He shrugged.

“Joon, I was sat in your lap and you were telling everyone the story of how we met, we couldn’t have been more ‘boyfriend’ if we’d tried.” Jimin levelled him with a dead pan look.

“Well maybe I knew you’d be in my life forever. Maybe I knew you were it for me and even if you didn’t want me, I’d just be content to see you happy and loved.”

“Joon…” Jimin sighed and rolled onto his back.

“Joon, what?” He felt a crushing weight on top of him and Joon’s face was suddenly above him.

“I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you, my world just felt different. When we were in that random alley and I had no clue who you were, I knew.”

“I probably shouldn’t have taken a random man down a side alley.” Joon giggles and dropped himself so his head was hidden in Jimin’s neck.

“Ah, our love story is so romantic, side alleys and v lives.” He giggled.

“Don’t knock it. I love you more today than I did yesterday.”

“And I’ll love you more tomorrow, than I do today.” Jimin finished, his fingers tangling into Namjoon’s hair.

“Besides I’ve done some romantic things.”

“Everything you do has an air of romance to it. It’s me that fails there.”

“You say that like you haven’t exceeded in every Christmas or birthday present. Like you don’t organise every holiday we take, and organise every party for every milestone. You spoil me.”

“I love you, Joonie.”

Namjoon didn’t respond, he only picked his head up and kissed his lips. Jimin attempted to kiss him back softly, his head pulling back slightly in order to smile up at his boyfriend, but instead he was met with Namjoon’s lips finding his once more.

“Jo-” he attempted to mumble out between kisses but was only met with him kissing him harder, his lips barely parting from the younger.

Jimin was about to speak once more when he felt Joon’s tongue begging for entrance. As much as he wanted to pull back and ask him if something was wrong, question the sudden change from sleepy pillow talk to fiery kisses, he couldn’t, instantly letting him in and moaning as Joon’s tongue explored his mouth once more.

They’d skirted around this since Joon had the all clear from the doctor to ‘exert’ himself once more, as they’d put it. Jimin not wanting to push him in any way shape or form and Joon just being too caught up in his emotions and recovery to even think about it.

The most intimate moment they’d had was the short kiss they’d had prior to being interrupted by a very hungry Taehyung, and maybe the food fight, but that had no sexual charge to the moment. As Jimin’s hand slid up to Namjoon’s neck and he felt Namjoon’s body drop on top of him, he knew this was definitely a moment charged with passion.

Sometimes he debated making the move himself, but he felt too guilty to initiate anything too intimate. He missed the feeling of sitting in Joon’s lap, he missed waking up to a naked tangle of limbs, he missed rolling over and kissing his boyfriend awake. All he had been stuck with for what felt like years was the odd kiss and peck.

On the other side of things though, he knew he deserved it. He knew this was his punishment. Jimin had always craved attention, always. Craved praise and skinship, it was just in his DNA, he’d been born that way. Namjoon satisfied it in every way possible. He didn’t complain when Jimin fell over him laughing, he didn’t blink when Jimin would randomly sit in his lap in front of their friends, or in the laps of said friends. He didn’t stop his conversation when Jimin slid next to him on a couch and threw his legs across his lap, he would only pull him in and kiss his forehead before continuing. He indulged him. If his penance for sending Joon out that night was this, he would take it a million times over just to know Joon was okay.

“Could you stop being in your head, please.” Joon mumbled against his lips, his breath fanning warm across his face as he spoke. “I miss you. I miss us. I miss you randomly kissing me because you just felt like it. I miss you sitting in my lap. I miss your hand on my thigh gradually getting higher until you catch yourself and quickly move it back down to my knee and then you start all over again. I miss everything .”

With that he crashed their lips together once more and Jimin was lost in it. His hands sliding up into Namjoon’s strands of hair, his legs wrapping up and around his waist as he clutched his boyfriend closer, almost as if he were afraid someone would take him at that very moment.

To say Namjoon worshipped him that night would have been an understatement, his lips trailed over every inch of Jimin’s body they could find, his hands sliding across his sweat soaked skin. Jimin’s hips bucked and writhed beneath him, his breathy moans crying out into the still night air that surrounded them.

As Namjoon entered him that night their sounds bled into one another, both so relieved to be back as one after all this time. Their arms only clutching each other close as they moved with one another to the high they so desperately craved.

“I love you, I don’t want to ever feel guilt again.” Jimin practically sobbed against his ear, his hands and nails clutching wildly at Namjoon’s back. “I only want to feel this good, forever, with you.” He broke himself off as a moan ripped through him once more.

“I only want you to feel good, that’s all I want for you, please just stay with me forever.” Namjoon somehow gripped him closer as he managed to angle himself to hit Jimin’s prostate and they both cried out at the same time.

“No more guilt.” Jimin moved his hips to meet Namjoon’s thrust as they moved with each other faster.

“Only love.” Namjoon agreed, his thrusts pushing them both over the edge as they cried out each others names.

They clutched each other close as they both allowed themselves to come down from their dizzying heights. Smiling at each other as if they were the only thing that mattered in the world, and maybe they were.

✰

“An American Eskimo Dog.” Jimin repeats, laughing as he watched it attack Namjoon with licks. “You had to go for the random breed didn’t you.”

“Look how cute.” Namjoon pouts, holding him up against his cheek, the dog putty in his arms.

“Hi baby.” Jimin coos, his hand scratching against the top of his head.

The dog nuzzles happily into Jimin’s hand, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he all but smiles up at his potential owners.

“He looks like a snowball!” Joon grins, as he buries his face against the bright white fur. “I love him so much already, I’m never letting him go.” The dog barks once as if approving the agreement, his legs reaching out to land on Jimin’s arm.

“He is cute.” Jimin admits.

“He’s the cute st. ” Namjoon corrects him. His smile wide and bright, carefree. The smile Jimin was just allowing himself to become used to again.

“I know I’ve kind of made this decision for us, so before I go ahead and get excited I just wanted to check that you are okay with this?” Namjoon nodding his head instantly, the dog coming up to lick against his cheek as he giggles.

“Joon.” He forced himself to be serious for a moment, even though his insides were doing cartwheels each time he glimpsed his dimples. “Please, look me in the eye for five seconds.”

Namjoon attempted to quell his laughter as he opened his eyes, they creased at the corner as the puppy wiggled in his arms.

“Joon.” Jimin tried again, trying not to let his smile grow over how utterly adorable this sight was.

“Jimin. I’m sure.” He spoke seriously, his eyes never wavering from Jimin’s. Jimin nods once, before grabbing his phone to take a picture of the most adorable moment he’d ever seen.

Setting it to his lock screen instantly before walking over to do the more ‘boring’ part of the adoption, leaving Namjoon to be attacked with love.

“I just, I love him so much.” Namjoon squealed as he took another photo of the puppy.

“He literally just peed on the carpet.” Jimin reminds him as he cleans the floor on his hands and knees.

“I know, but look at his little face.” Namjoon pouted, and brought the dog up into his arms, squishing their faces side by side.

“You know he’s going to have zero respect for you at this rate.” Jimin giggled, watching as Namjoon pretended to bite at the puppy fondly.

“That’s fine, you can be the alpha, as long as I get all the cuddles.” He squishes the dog to him.

Jimin shook his head knowing that Joon would be frustrated within two weeks when RapMon inevitably hadn’t learned all his tricks in one go despite him reading every dog owner training manual in site at the book shop.

Namjoon had picked the name, so excited for the little small ball of fluff to be named after his original stage name. Jimin could hardly say no when he watched him smile each time he mentioned the name. It didn’t stop Jimin from sticking with the more appropriate ‘Monie’ when out in public however, he didn’t feel like shouting ‘RapMon’ across the park just yet.

Once Jimin had put the cleaning supplies away he sat back down on the floor, sliding himself in between Joon’s open legs where he played with the puppy. Joon’s arms instantly wrapping around his waist from behind and his head resting gently against his shoulder.

“My two favourite things in the entire world.” He murmured happily, squeezing Jimin to him.

“What, RapMon and this toy?” Jimin answered playfully, holding up the crab squeaky toy they’d bought for the dog.

“You know exactly who I meant.” Namjoon smiled at him before layering his cheek and neck, burying himself into the crook, sending shivers racing up and down Jimin’s spine.

“I didn’t.” Jimin pretends.

Namjoon raises his head, an eyebrow co*cked as he looked at his boyfriend.

“You’re telling me you don’t know who my favourite person is on this planet.”

“ Oooh, you didn’t say person.” Jimin swats his hand in front of them. “Obviously Jungkook then, but he’s not her-,”

He’s cut off by Namjoon’s lips on his as he giggles against them.

He feels a pair of eyes boring into the side of his head and he cracks open one eye to see a puppy staring at them accusingly, as if annoyed he’s not on the receiving end of the affection.

“Bedroom?” Jimin asks quietly.

“Bedroom.” Namjoon agrees, standing to his feet as quickly as he’s able to and pulling Jimin along with them. Shutting the door to a slightly whiny puppy behind them.

✰

“Are you okay?” Jimin looks at the line of press to the side of them, the red carpet plush under his feet.

“No.” Namjoon murmurs, his eyes squinting shut at the flashing lights of cameras.

“I’m going to be with you the entire time.” Jimin reminds him softly, his hand taking the elders and squeezing tightly.

Namjoon lifts his spare small finger up, looking at Jimin with his eyes wide and open, softness written into his features.

Jimin can’t help the way his smile grows as he interweaves their fingers, nodding quietly. “Promise.” He whispers.

“How are you feeling?”

“Are you having enough rest?”

“Do you have anything to say to your fans?”

“When will you return to music?”

“How confident are you that you’ll win tonight?”

The questions repeated themselves, on and on as they went from one reporter to the next. Namjoon’s hands didn’t leave Jimin’s once as they went through the same rehearsed and repeated answers that the company had given him before he arrived.

Jimin used one particularly boring interview to look around the red carpet, hordes of celebrities behind them, all filing in and giving the same rehearsed answers. He squeezed Namjoon to give him strength at one point as he addressed the international fan base with words Jimin couldn’t understand.

They were at some music award show - honestly Jimin wouldn’t have been able to name it if he tried - it was more the thought of it that had been plaguing Jimin for weeks. The sheer undeniable truth that Namjoon was going to be out in public for hours, in an uncomfortable suit with a million eyes on him.

He’d confided in Jimin that he’d wanted to pull out many times from even appearing, but he was competing for best artist, with Taehyung in the running for best single and performance. Yoongi is also tipped to win the best producer award. It was simply something he could not miss.

Jimin smiled at the interviewer politely as they backed away from one area, onto the next one and then the next. Jimin pulled his head back as he counted down the line of news reporters left to talk to. 5 more, he could do this, just 5 more.

All of a sudden he felt two hands poke at his rib cage and he all but screamed, spinning on the spot. “How’s he doing?” Jin whispered to him when he was in a position he was sure the cameras couldn’t see him from.

“Not great, have you been inside yet?”

“Yeah, Yoongi’s already sat with his coat and hat on waiting to go home again.” He smiled fondly.

“Are we together?”

“Yep, I had to shout at a few people with walkie-talkies and some producers, but we’re together.”

Jimin let out the breath he’d been holding since he stepped onto the red carpet.

“We’ll be in in a sec.” Jimin smiled as he felt Namjoon pull on his hand to go to the next interviewer.

“Good luck Joonie.” Jin spoke quietly enough for them both to hear him without the press hearing, retreating back into the venue.

“What was that about?” Joon whispers between the next 2 interviewers.

“I got Jin to make sure we’re sitting together - I didn’t want you sitting with people we don’t know.”

“You did that for me?”

“Of course.” Jimin answers as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Namjoon leans into kiss him and the cameras go wild behind them, shouts and flashes blinding the two of them.

“That… was a mistake.” Namjoon groans as he hears his name being shouted from 5 different directions.

“At least you just put any break up rumours to bed.” Jimin winks, following him to the next interviewer.

“Ugh, I always forget how long these things take .” Taehyung groans, leaning back on his chair as he waves over at Jungkook on the JYP table with Yugyeom, part of the newly debuted duo JUS2.

“Do we really need to watch every performance -they could probably record at least half of these earlier?” Yoongi sighs as he eyes the dancers to the side of them, making an unimpressed face.

“How many awards left?” Jimin queries, looking at his watch.

“Four more.” Jin grumbles. “I’m gonna go annoy Kookie.” He skips over to the other table, grabbing a chair from God only knows where, grinning cheekily as he pulls up his wrist .

“Is he seriously starting a thumb war? Yep… he is... my boyfriend... is starting a thumb war.” Yoongi groans, his head dropping into his hands.

“You’d think someone who just won the best producer of the year award would be a bit more smiley.” Taehyung teases, sticking his tongue out at the older man.

“My child hyung of a boyfriend is playing Rock Paper Scissors and issuing thumb wars with our actual baby. I’ve still got three more awards to sit through and an after party to go to, and my best friend is sitting in the corner looking like a wet weekend.” He motioned to Joon who was sitting with his head in hand, staring into space.

“The songs are the only time they don’t have the camera shoved in my face.”

“Baby.” Jimin coos, squeezing his thigh under where his hand lays.

He plasters on another fake smile as the camera rolls his way, clapping along to whatever song was now playing.

“It’s only because it’s your first public appearance, it will calm down.” He knocks their shoulders together. “Everyone’s worried about you, especially us.”

Jimin waves at the camera awkwardly as it flies back towards them when the song ends, the two of them standing quickly to show respect.

“We will leave as soon as the award shows over.” Jimin brings their hands together on the table, lacing their fingers.

Namjoon shakes his head. “The paparazzi will make up some lie about me not feeling well, or how I’m actually more injured than I pretend to be if we leave quickly. I need to make it through at least some of the after party.”

“You were in a car crash six months ago, you’re entitled to not be okay.” Jimin squeezed their intertwined hands.

“I am okay though. I don’t want them to think I’m not just because I felt a bit camera shy.”

“I love you.” Jimin murmured as the camera turned around once more to focus on them.

“I love you more.” Was all Joon whispered before nodding politely on the screen.

“And the winner is....”

Jimin squeezes Joon’s hand as they sit with their breath held. Taehyung clasping his other hand, his own ‘best single’ award sitting proudly next to his other.

“RM!”

Namjoon breathes a sigh of relief before jumping up from his seat, his chair flying backwards in the way that only Namjoon could make endearing. He cheers, before hugging everyone at the table, the mask of RM settling back into place as he swaggers towards the stage.

He bows politely as he steps towards the microphone, award in hand, looking out towards the crowd before settling his eyes on Jimin and smiling softly.

“I probably should have pulled together some kind of speech for this really, but I never truly feel as if I deserve any award I receive.”

The crowd echoes back a feeling of disagreement, cries of ‘we love you’ intermingled in.

“As most of you know these last few months have been extremely traumatic, I’ve barely been in the public eye, let alone released any music, the entire idea of this award just seemed impossible to obtain. I guess aRMy is really that strong, huh?”

A chorus of cheers breaks out around them, light sticks being waved at an alarming rate, every fandom merged to make sure RM has his moment.

“Thank you for all of your support, I truly couldn’t have done it without a single one of you, if you’re here tonight, if you’re at home in your bedroom watching a live stream, or you’re watching on YouTube at some point in the future, I see you, you are relevant to me, and I love you. I will continue to work harder and become someone who deserves this recognition.”

“My friends - I don't know what I would do without you? They say when something terrible happens you learn who your true friends are and I learnt I have the best group of people surrounding me that a person could physically have. I don’t know why I even call you friends at this point, you are my family.”

Jimin watches Yoongi slide a hand under his eyes, turning away from the cameras for a moment, he reaches out placing a hand against his back softly.

“BIG HIT - Thank you for always believing in me, for picking up some random underground rapper and making him into the man he was meant to be. I love you all from the top to the bottom.”

Taehyung nods, smiling softly.

“And Jimin? You are my life, you are my soul, you are my whole other half. I don’t know what I would do without you - and I never intend to find out.”

Jimin feels his body glowing in happiness as he looks at the stage. His smile growing ever wider as he looks at the man he loves with all of his heart.

“I LOVE YOU ARMY!”

Jimin laughs along with the rest of the crowd as the screams erupt from around them, cheers so loud they could be heard in outer space as Joon commences his final bow and leaves the stage.

The stage exit music is drowned out by the sheer noise level of the fans. The host starting and restarting his speech more than once as the crowds cheering just doesn’t end.

Jimin turns around to face them, putting his arms above his head in the shape of a heart and is soon joined by both Taehyung and Yoongi. The screams growing even louder as they giggle amongst themselves.

“I LOVE YOU!” Taehyung shouts, waving to as many people as he can, his arms wrapping around Jimin’s shoulders.

Yoongi plays around with them, finding hearts in different pockets of his clothing as he sends them to the crowd.

Jimin smiled so wide he could hardly see anymore, his cheeks almost hurting from the strength of his smile. He shouted ‘I love you’s’ so loud he could barely use his voice any more, the words coming out small and croaky by the end.

Two hours later things have calmed down and he is stood at the most lavious after party, drinks and food are all over stocked and the best songs from within Big Hit are piped across the speaker.

Jimin had lost Namjoon about an hour ago, the rapper being side tracked by Hitman Bang. He had busied himself with dancing and snacking on the different delicacies, until he’d been collared by some suits.

He was currently doing his best to schmooze a random business man on the wonders of Namjoon and why he should sponsor him with something, he couldn’t remember what. Clothes maybe? Or maybe perfume.

He was about to go in for the kill when he felt a presence behind him.

“Can we go?” Namjoon murmured into his ear, his hand pulling slightly on Jimin’s.

Jimin smiled politely at the random suited man in front of him.

“Are you sure?” He looked around the room, Yoongi and Jin had left long ago, only staying long enough to be seen and accounted for by Hitman Bang.

“Please. I just, everyone’s asking me how I am and it’s starting to get to me.” He sighed and closed his eyes.

“Babe, you should’ve found me, I would have helped.”

“Help me by escaping with me. We’ll go to Han River and just be us for five minutes. Please.”

“That, actually sounds nice.” Jimin smiled and brushed his fingers down the lapels of Joon’s suit.

Joon smiled in response, retaking Jimin’s hand and guiding them out of the room. They tried their best to ignore the sympathetic looks and worried eyes. Jimin text Tae to explain they hadn’t disappeared due to illness.

Thirty minutes later they stood by the edge of the river. Joons hands on the railings either side of Jimin, as he leaned back against his chest, the elders eyes trained into the distance while Jimin held his shut, enjoying the sound of Joon’s breathing

Ten minutes of silence later Joon kissed his hair lightly. “Marry me.”

“What?” Jimin all but laughed in shock.

“Marry me.”

Jimin spun around and looked upwards to Namjoon. “Babe, what?”

“You heard me. Marry me.”

“Wait. Is this serious? Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of something in my entire life.”

Jimin bit his lip, forcing himself to hold back the scream within him.

“Jimin, I would get down on one knee-”

“Don’t you dare.”

“-but I know how worried you get when I move too quickly.”

He smiled and brought both of his hands around Jimin’s back.

“Will you marry me?”

“YES. A million, trillion times, yes.” Tears automatically sprung to his eyes as he wrapped himself around Joon.

He heard a deep rumbling giggle roll across Joon as he buried himself into his arms.

Namjoon held his finger out to the side of them when they broke apart.

“Forever?”

He brings his finger up to twine with Namjoon, smiling through his tears. Softly their lips find their way together once more under the moonlight. Seoul’s lights twinkling around them.

“Forever.” Jimin whispers.

✰

Notes:

Thank you to everyone who went on this journey with me, you know I love happy endings so I wanted to get these two there.

Everything Goes - jooniepop - 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys (2024)

Chapter 1: Chapter 1

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Chapter 2: Chapter 2

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Chapter 3: Chapter 3

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Chapter 4

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